Review for To the Darkness Bound Chapter 1 from kerrde06 on September 12, 2008

I have to admit, I have not finished the chapter yet and am not sure if I plan to. This story sounds like it has an intresting idea behind it and the writing is pretty decent too, except for one thing. What is completely ruining this story, is the constant repitition of certain words over and over, back to back. Some examples would be the over use of "manor", "Order of the pheonix", and "Peter Petigrew". That is about when I stopped reading. An example of a way to fix the over use of "Peter Petigrew" would be once you have identified him as the person you are talking about, to simply refer to him as "him", "he", and "his", depending on the situation. Then to mix it up even more, you could alternate between calling him "Petigrew" or "Peter" based on what kind of effect you want. You no longer need to use his full name after you first introduce him in the story. An in story example would be; "And since I had taken upon that mantle, Pettigrew, unsurprisingly, wanted into my good graces. I accepted Peter, for the simple fact, that I realized the man could be a spy in the Order for me." I changed a few things besides the use of Peter Petigrew's name in those two sentnces because or the repitition of "most powerful wizard", it needed simplified a bit, and it was a bit bland. Also, to fix the over use of "Order of the Pheonix"; after you first introduce it you can simply refer to it as "The Order" or "it". I guess what I am trying to get at is that it is ok to use pronouns. They really help break up the repetitiveness of using the same words over and over. Anyways, good luck with your story and I'll check back on it from time to time to see how it is going.

Review for To the Darkness Bound Chapter 2 from Edvin on August 20, 2008

Brilliant? I really like your story so far and will be waiting anxiously for the next chapter. I have always been fascinated with Tom Riddle/Voldemort characterization and this story just brings out another one, one that I like very much. May you always find comfort in your quill, Edvin

Review for To the Darkness Bound Chapter 2 from Void Sorcerer on August 15, 2008

It's interesting, I'll give you that; and I very much look forward to where you are going with this, please update soon. You're Voldemort seems to be in pretty good character for what you are going for. However we have seen a lot yet, well not too much anyway, so it is still hard to tell. I'm not getting the vibe that he is quite "evil" enough yet to be the Dark Lord, but I'm hoping that will change later on. Like I said, we haven't seen all that much, and it could change. Please don't make him a wussy though, keep in mind that he is the Dark Lord, he is evil, and he needs to remain that way. Hmm, your idea of Occlumency and the sepperate chambers in your mind. Pretty good, though not all that unique. It should be interesting to see Potters mind, please do it justice. -Void

Review for To the Darkness Bound Chapter 2 from sushiz on August 08, 2008

great work on this chapter, i liked the idea you came up with for Voldemorts mind, keep up the good work

Author reply
Thanks for the compliment, and I will definitely try to keep up the good work up and not let you down. Thank you everyone for your reviews. As a writer I really appreciate the inspiration they provide.

Review for To the Darkness Bound Chapter 2 from Alssn on August 08, 2008

Good. Very good. Your Voldemort is realistic and even though not much happens in this chapter, it holds interest.

Author reply
I'm trying to keep Voldemort as realistic and in character as possible. It's a fun challenge, and I have begun to really enjoy writing from Voldemort's perspective. I wouldn't say nothing happens in this chapter, some things of importance do occur, Voldemort discovering the connection is pretty important to the story. Thanks for the review!

Review for To the Darkness Bound Chapter 2 from Jeram on August 08, 2008

An interesting chapter, but you had a few mistakes like: "In the real Chamber Of Secrets this door houses Hades the basilisk resides" - there, you only need "houses" or "resides", not both. Also, you seem to have this issue where you have sentences that are a bit too long, or don't have enough commas at all. Reread your chapter and think about where the pauses should be. As for the plot, it seems to be sticking to canon for now, just Riddle's perspective with a few references to being Harry's grandfather - not sure about it, but it seems to be going well so far.

Author reply
Well I fixed the one problem you pointed out, and it led to some interesting things. I ended up deleting the chapter, and had to ask Lord Ravenclaw for help. So thank you sir for restoring the reviews. I will try my best to shorten up the length of the sentences or at least add some comas. The story is running parallel to canon, so far. You will just have to wait one more chapter until this story diverges a lot from canon. Thanks for the review!

Review for To the Darkness Bound Chapter 1 from sushiz on July 28, 2008

Great story, i hope you plan on continuing it sounds quite original and i like how you used Voldemort's perspective to introduce the story. Update soon!

Author reply
Thanks for the compliments. I enjoyed writing it from Voldmeort's perspective, and the story will have a few more chapters from his perspective. I have posted the second chapter. I hope you enjoy it.

Review for To the Darkness Bound Chapter 1 from Jeram on July 27, 2008

Hey, this was pretty good. A bit choppy in places, but it's one of the best Harry-as-Voldemort's-grandkid I've seen. Just don't go bad on us.

Author reply
I will try my very best not to go bad on you guys. I promise you this, Voldemort will not act sappy towards Harry, at all. He might help in a spot or two, but it will only be for his own gain. Most fics in this genre have Voldemort act like a real grandfather to Harry ( excluding the terrible slash ridden attempts by fangirls) but in the process they butcher up his character. I'm trying to find a balance between the two. Thanks for the review, Jeram. It's kind of surreal for you to review one of my works when I have been a big fan of your time snafu piece.

Review for To the Darkness Bound Chapter 1 from Richardc269 on July 26, 2008

I would like to see more of this. Very nicely written.

Author reply
Thanks for reviewing. I should have the second chapter up soon.

Review for To the Darkness Bound Chapter 1 from electric2book on July 25, 2008

Interesting plot. I like it and can´t wait to see more.

Author reply
Thanks for the review and compliments.