Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I’m just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Author’s Note: This is a complete standalone one-shot with no plans for more DA Missions. There may be more, there may not. And it may help set the mood to read The DA Missions: Agent Toots first, but it's not really necessary. For what it's worth, you have my word: There is no noticeable poop-eating in this DA Mission. Reviews feed the nonjon muse. Thanks.
THE DA MISSIONS: AGENT FURRY FURY
Albus looked down at the assembled Order members. His gaze lingered a few extra moments on Remus Lupin and he sighed. “I’m afraid Amos is right. The Werewolf Regulation Act is more than likely going to pass. The crimes of Fenrir Greyback and the other cursed individuals following his lead have had too strong an effect on public perception.”
“This is just going to drive them all straight to Voldemort,” Amos Diggory added. “The people I talk to say it’s a risk they’re willing to take. The rights of a few werewolves just don’t compare against a mob mentality wanting to feel safe.”
“Isn’t there anything we can do?” Tonks pleaded. “I heard they’re adding in a rider to procure funds for werewolf control camps.”
“Happy camps,” Remus corrected. “They should be much easier to operate once every werewolf gets tagged and tattooed with their control number.”
“I am truly sorry, Remus,” Albus sadly admitted. “It might be time to think about moving. You could spearhead some international efforts for the Order. But I fear Britain may no longer be safe for you.”
A small planter in the corner of the enlarged Headmaster’s office that no one had been paying attention, stood up and turned around to reveal Hermione Granger covered in homemade fake planter camouflage.
“This,” Hermione called out loudly thrusting a finger into the air, “is a job for the DA!”
She threw a small round pellet onto the ground that exploded in a flash of light and thick plumes of smoke.
As the people nearest were coughing from the smoke, and blinking the echo of the flash from their vision, they saw Hermione was no longer present in the office.
Minerva was coughing into her hand and waving the smoke away. “I didn’t even see her there. Did anyone know she was there?”
“I couldn’t see her,” Moody admitted. “My eye got nothin’.”
Albus cast a spell to banish all the excess smoke away and sighed. “Why is it that DA members keep lowering themselves to Mr. Potter’s level of maturity? And none of them seem to have the inverse effect on Harry himself?”
“Because he’s a born leader?” Tonks suggested.
“Because he’s brilliant?” Fred offered.
“Because he’s a lean, mean, Dark Lord vanquishing machine?” George pondered aloud.
Snape hissed in irritation. “Haven’t you ever heard a rhetorical question, you imbeciles?”
“Absolutely,” Fred answered immediately.
“Many times,” George continued.
“I don’t know,” Tonks said scratching her chin. “What do they sound like?”
Snape was livid. “They sound like-”
“That was rhetorical,” George snapped.
“You imbecile,” Fred finished.
Everyone turned towards Tonks, who just shrugged. She finally added, “Motherfu-”
“Thank you, Tonks,” Albus interrupted. “Let’s move on, please.” Albus nodded at Kingsley to report and silently wondered how many meetings of the DA were this productive for Harry.
Ron stood at the podium and made sure everyone in the DA was looking at him. “Alright now. Who wants cake? And who wants to take their pants off? You can only choose one.”
“Ah, ah, ah,” Harry jumped in and pointed at a member. “Not you Jordan. Your pants are staying right where they are. And the next time Neville asks you a question, what do you do?”
“Answer with words, not actions,” Lee reluctantly replied.
Harry smiled and nodded as he sat back down.
Ron was still standing at the podium and asked, “Has everyone been keeping their wands in their back pockets?” When he saw all nods and heard only murmurs of agreement, he continued. “And has anyone blown a buttock off? Felt an itch? Maybe passed more gas than usual? No? Nothing?”
Ron sighed at the shaking heads and negative responses. “Alright. Just another of their lies and manipulations to control us.”
Colin Creevey looked up from the giant ledger he was writing in. “I’ll put it right before ‘blood purity matters’ and after ‘you have to register your animagus form.’”
“One other item before I yield the floor,” Ron said looking at his list. “Sometime during the last meeting, I don’t know who it was, and I don’t need to know. But someone jinxed the toilet paper in the boys’ bathroom to be pages of Snape’s diary. Not cool, guys. Seriously, not cool.”
“Thank you, Ron,” Harry said taking over the podium. “I think it’s safe assume the culprit, whoever I may be, got his bottom spanked for being naughty. Now, time for today’s learning. Anthony and I are going to teach you all how to hunt, kill, and cook a chicken using only the Unforgivables. Anthony, you get to be the chicken.”
“Supreme Commander!” Hermione called out running into the room. “The Junior DA has failed. The werewolf final solution continues unimpeded.”
Harry sighed. “I wish I could say I’m surprised but I can’t. What of your preparations, Research Director Chairman Granger?”
“Operation Tolerance or Else has been refined and is ready for your approval,” Hermione retorted, standing stiffly at attention.
“Chief Counter Intelligence Officer Lovegood,” Harry addressed. “How goes your project?”
“I still have not ascertained a way to make the broom fit sideways,” Luna answered immediately.
“Not that project,” Harry corrected.
“Oh,” Luna realized. “Double Agent Whodat is ready for assignment.”
“Research Director Chairman Granger,” Harry stood and saluted. “Operation Tolerance or Else is a go, under your direct purview. For the duration of this mission, I now dub thee Agent Furry Fury.”
Hermione’s face brightened and her body puffed up with pride. “Thank you, Supreme Commander. With your permission, I will begin work on the potions now and will brief you on your role this evening.”
“Granted, Agent Furry Fury,” Harry agreed.
Hermione nodded and marched into her laboratory, head held high and filled with purpose.
Harry looked down at his watch and said. “We’re almost a minute behind schedule. Why don’t we cut short today’s learning session and just go to the beach?”
All the DA members hailed and cheered to the greatest secret organization ever.
Tonks felt her blindfold loosen and fall away, giving her a first glimpse of the room she had been led to. She was seated in a comfy leather chair in an unknown, poorly lit office. Directly across from her, behind a massive ornately designed desk, was Harry Potter. The young man was leaning back in an even more impressive chair, with his feet up on the desk, and Crookshanks in his arms. He was silently petting the happily purring half-kneazle and observing Tonks.
“Where are we, Harry?” Tonks asked looking around the room.
“I’m not here today as Harry,” he said, continuing his ministrations on Crookshanks. “Today, I’m here as your Commander.”
Tonks stiffened and jumped to her feet. “I serve at the pleasure of the Supreme Commander.”
“Excellent, Agent Whodat, because I have an assignment for you,” Harry told her. He looked down at the half-kneazle in his lap. “Crookshanks, you know what I must ask you to do. If you are ready… if you are prepared…”
“Meow,” the feline said. He hopped out of Harry’s lap and quickly padded out of the office and down the hall.
“Agent Whodat,” Harry stood up attracting Tonks’ attention from the door Crookshanks just exited. “It is your responsibility to ensure that Remus Lupin has a good time on his vacation and that he remains unaware of the situation here in Britain until we bring you home. I’ll leave it to your discretion as to how you accomplish these tasks.”
“Yes, Supreme Commander, sir,” Tonks agreed and saluted.
“Come along then,” Harry said resting his hand on her shoulder, “to Grimmauld Place.” Right as he announced the place, he slammed a round pellet into the ground that exploded in flash of light and magic.
Tonks closed her eyes before the flash and suddenly found herself on the front steps of Grimmauld Place with Harry. “Remus is most valuable if he remains ignorant for now, so try not to entertain any thoughts of recruitment.” Harry explained as he knocked on the front door.
Remus opened the door in slight surprise. “Harry? Aren’t you supposed to be in class?”
“Come now, Moony,” Harry grinned. “Are you all that certain that I’m not?”
Remus smirked and opened the door to let them in. “Does the Headmaster know you’re here?”
Harry walked in with Tonks following dutifully behind him. Harry jerked his thumb towards her as he answered, “Who do you think insisted on the auror escort?”
“Well great,” Remus smiled viciously. “You two get to help me pack.”
“Yeah,” Harry slowly answered. “Listen, about that. You’re not going to move out of the country just yet.”
“I’m not?”
“Nope,” Harry said. “You’re going to go on a vacation.”
Remus frowned and saw Tonks wasn’t going to be any help. “And how does the Headmaster feel about this? He went to a lot of trouble to arrange a meeting with the French Ambassador for me.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Harry said, waving off the older man’s concern. “I’ll tell Albus myself. But as part of my inheritance from Padfoot, I have certain funds to allocate, as you know. And that’s why you’re going on a Scandinavian cruise. Now before you try to ferret your way out of this, the cruise ship has facilities and means for dealing with certain afflicted passengers during the full moon.”
Remus had never heard of such a thing but was intrigued. Despite this, he still questioned, “I really don’t think this is the best time.”
“Stop. No,” Harry said as if he were scolding a small child. “This isn’t up for debate. You know the stipulations in Sirius’ will. I have already purchased two non-refundable tickets.”
“Two?” Remus clarified. “Are you coming?”
Harry shook his head. “Sorry Moony. I can’t make this one. But I thought you might want some company. Maybe you could invite any old random metamorphmagus that you’ve been having wet dreams about.”
Remus felt himself blushing as his inner wolf began to howl. “That was subtle, Harry.”
Harry saw Tonks was blushing almost as much as Remus. “I didn’t mention any names. I could be speaking about anyone. But I should mention that I have your portkey to the docks right here and that the cruise liner is going to be anchors up in about five minutes.”
“Five minutes!”
Harry nodded double-checking his watch. “Grab anything sentimental you can’t do without, but everything that can be bought, including proper attire and all your expenses, is going on the Sirius Sludge Fund’s tab.”
“Okay, okay,” Remus said beginning to panic. “What do I need?”
“A traveling companion might help,” Harry suggested.
“Right,” Remus concurred. “Tonks… umm… would you…”
“Okay,” Tonks said with a slight smile.
“Great!” Remus said a little too excitedly. He repeated a bit nervously, “Great.”
Harry saw the two of them were both shyly glancing at each other and then back at Harry. After fifteen seconds of silent shared glances, Harry had had enough and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a condom and tossed it to Remus. “Catch.”
Remus’ wolf-like reflexes snatched the prophylactic out of the air hoping to get it before Tonks recognized it for what it was. He’d never even considered the possibility that it was his portkey.
Tonks saw Remus disappear and warily turned to Harry. “Am I going to get in trouble at work?”
Harry shook his head. “Amelia owes me a favor. And depending on the Minister, you might even get permanently attached.”
“Permanently attached to what?”
Harry smiled and reached into his other pocket. He pulled out a three pack of edible undies. He tossed them to her and said, “Dismissed, Agent Whodat.”
Tonks caught the edible undies against her body and disappeared.
“Harry,” Albus warned as they were about to enter the courtroom of the Wizengamot. “I think it’s wonderful that you’re willing to enter the world of politics to help werewolves and Remus in particular. I just don’t think even your words will be enough to make a difference in the vote for the Werewolf Regulation Act.”
Harry sighed. “Thank you for your concern Albus, but I’m quite prepared to be in the minority on this issue when everything is said and done.”
Albus nodded and they walked into the courtroom garnering a number of heads turned their way. Albus took his seat of honor, as the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, while Harry walked over towards where the Blacks traditionally sat, in between the Notts and the Jugsons.
Albus blinked in surprise when he saw where Harry chose to sit. He knew Nicholas Nott and Jonathan Jugson wouldn’t try anything in the midst of a voting session, but it was still slightly disconcerting.
Albus stood and began. “As I’m sure many of you may have noticed, Harry Potter has joined us for this vote, as is his right from an inherited seat. And he was hoping to say a few words on the Werewolf Regulation Act.”
“Thank you Headmaster,” Harry said with a nod as he stood up. He saw the two suspected Death Eaters on either side of him looked extremely nervous at being thrust into the uncomfortable position of everyone looking towards them. “I’ve read through all the legalese on the Werewolf Regulation Act, and all of the current amendments that have been proposed or added. And I must say this pathetic attempt at control is utterly ridiculous.”
Albus winced and hoped Harry knew what he was getting himself into.
“I realize that many people have put a lot of work into this,” Harry continued shaking his head. “But I’d swear you don’t know anything about werewolves at all.”
Harry saw everyone was watching him closely, some curiously, some barely hiding their disdain. “I’m talking about rights and freedoms here. Basic civil rights.”
Harry took a breath and began to emphatically raise his voice and pat his fist against his palm, “And if I don’t want to cater to these mindless vicious beasts, it’s my right, and I shouldn’t have to. Where’s the werewolf tax? We should be able to charge them more than real people. We should be able to refuse them entrance to our stores, our establishments, our ministry, and our schools. They are dangerous dark creatures and they are a blight on our society!” Harry finished loudly over the few who had started intermittently booing and calling him names. The majority of the assembly had started to cheer and clap as soon as he had said the word ‘beasts.’
Harry saw Albus looked flummoxed. Harry continued, feeding off the conflicting emotions in the air, “Werewolves should have to stand in the back of the Knight Bus if they get to ride at all! Werewolves should get their own bathrooms so they don’t dirty them up for proper wizards! We don’t want werewolves near our children. Marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman. Not a man and a violent, rabid creature!”
The increasing chatter from the back and forth arguments was getting deafening. Harry shouted loudly, his voice echoing throughout the room. “If we killed them all, there’d never be another one!”
Raucous applause filled the courtroom, while the few opponents of the Werewolf Regulation Act looked broken and defeated.
Those arguing in favor of the Act, quickly began the language on some new amendments, taking into account the additional political clout of the Boy-Who-Lived and his many suggestions of better ways to regulate werewolves. Everything he’d mentioned was packaged into the new language, but those opposed to the Act wouldn’t agree to the alterations without gaining at least something.
First those opposed to the Act demanded that werewolves be allowed to work for the Ministry and that affirmative action would require a minimum of one werewolf in every department that had fifteen employees or more. Those in favor of the bill struck that down immediately. Those against tried lowering the number of required werewolf employees but that too was struck down.
It took almost a half hour of bickering but the two sides reached a compromise. Almost everything those in favor of the Act wanted added after Harry’s inspiring words was added to the bill. And in a very hollow gesture of good will for those opposed to the Act, an addendum was attached that specifically permitted werewolves to work for the Ministry for the next month. There were no requirements that any werewolves actually had to be gainfully employed, there was just no law against it for the next thirty days only.
Albus had not had the opportunity to talk to Harry throughout the session, but he knew Harry had to be up to something. Nevertheless, the latest and final draft of the Werewolf Regulation Act was put to a vote and ratified by a healthy majority.
“I got one!” A lone voice called from the back of the courtroom. “I got a werewolf right here. He was torturing a young girl!”
The assembly turned in time to see a handcuffed man getting kicked down the stairs.
“It’s hideous!” One member called out.
“Don’t let it hurt anyone else!” Another cried.
“I want him dead!” Harry spat. “Let’s string him up! We should hang him! We should give him a lethal injection! We should electrocute the wretched vermin!”
“Mr. Potter!” Albus thundered. “That is enough!”
“Yeah really,” another man called out. “Two out of three of those should be plenty.”
“Their dark powers make them resilient,” Harry snapped ignoring the Headmaster. “We should hit him with a Killing Curse too!”
“Oh come on now,” one of the few opposed to the Act pleaded.
Harry frowned. “You’re right. That’d just be cruel. But his electric chair, we can make it… out of silver!”
“Death to the vermin!” an angry old woman called out.
“Silence!” Albus ordered. “This man deserves a trial before you all sentence him. This is fear-mongering at its ugliest and most unjust.”
“What more do we need to know?” Harry called back as the de facto leader of the anti-werewolf majority. “He was a torturing a young girl. Do we need to force a poor innocent child to go through hell and be in this beast’s presence again?”
The handcuffed man had tumbled all the way down to the center of the courtroom and was now struggling to at least get up to his knees. “I didn’t torture anyone. I just asked her for some change.”
Harry jumped to his feet and pointed straight at the prone man. “He just admitted it! String him up, boys! Let’s show the world we’re serious about the Werewolf Regulation Act!”
The crowd was behind him and several people had snapped into action. A shiny silver chair was set on a platform that moved up and down at speeds faster than gravity. A glowing green needle filled with a liquid of mysterious origin was rigged to inject based upon a trigger. The handcuffed man was strapped into the chair while a noose was tightened around his neck. He was gasping and flinching as his body was sizzling upon contact with the chair. The syringe was stuck into his arm, waiting for the stopper to be depressed. The slack from the noose was rolled back while the galley continued to chatter animatedly.
“I cannot allow this to continue in good conscience,” Albus insisted loudly. “You are committing a gross injustice here.”
“You are overruled, Chief Warlock,” a stern looking Tiberius Ogden, one of the stronger proponents of the Act seated near the Headmaster insisted. “We’ve got the freshly ratified law and the numbers on our side this time.”
Albus saw Harry looked perfectly calm and continued watching his young student very closely. The werewolf was shivering as his body was smoking in the places where the silver chair was touching his bare skin.
“The lightning magic of the chair is fully charged,” the hooded wizard with an exceptionally deep voice announced. “On your order.”
Albus saw Harry wasn’t saying anything further and turned to the whimpering werewolf. He wasn’t sure what magic was going on, but he had to believe Harry wasn’t going to genuinely push for the torture and execution a werewolf. “Have any you last words?”
“Last words are for men,” Ogden insisted. “This beast deserves no such consideration. Do it!”
The hooded wizard nodded and pushed the one button connected to every part of the hastily made instrument of death.
The reaction was instantaneous. The electrocution funneled magical current through the body, while the injection fired sending the lethal mixture into the bloodstream, and the chair began to freefall. For second it looked like the man’s head was about to pop right off when it happened.
A massive explosion of magic burst from the guilty werewolf that all but one were watching. Albus had been keeping his eyes on Harry, and as such they were the only two who managed to get a rare and specialized shield up in time.
Everyone else was immediately blinded as the execution turned even gorier than usual when a geyser of blood exploded in all directions. The fountain of messy, thick viscous liquid was clearly far more blood than any being that size could have contained naturally.
The misty sanguine wave of magic covered everyone and everything. People were blinded as the blood got in their open mouths, their eyes, and coated their bodies with a thin layer. Even the walls and ceiling received not just spatter but a literal coat of wet, sticky blood.
Harry dropped his shield and saw Albus then did the same. Harry adopted a look of surprise and commented, “Well that was unexpected.”
And then the screams began.
“My ring! It’s burning! It hurts!”
“Ahh!” A woman screeched and pulled her necklace off her chest. She stared in horror at it as it scorched her hand before she threw it on the ground.
All around the room, anyone wearing silver found themselves in pain from its mere touch.
Most people had begun to magic away the blood and clean themselves off.
Albus hurriedly called for all available healers to come quickly.
A few people had finished vanishing all traces of blood nearby, including the walls and ceiling. Instead they were sniffing the air. “What’s that smell?”
An older woman snapped her wand by accident. “Oh dear! I don’t even know my own strength.”
Harry was delighted to see both Jugson and Nott looked to be having panic attacks.
Healers bustled into the room and began to check on the people, cleaning off the blood first, in hopes of determining if anyone had received any physical injuries.
“In light of the horrors we have just witnessed,” Albus said as he picked up his gavel. “I believe we should adjourn for the day.”
He was about to bang the gavel down when it was snatched away by Tiberius Ogden. “No!”
“Mr. Ogden,” Albus frowned. “We have been through an ordeal. We won’t be able to accomplish anything further today.”
“No!” Ogden argued, holding the gavel close to his body. “We cannot adjourn, not yet.”
Albus tilted his head down to look over his glasses at his fellow Wizengamot elder. “Unless you have some further support to overrule me, then this is not your decision to make.”
“Listen to me, people,” Ogden called out. “We have just been exposed to an explosion of magic and werewolf blood. Now, most of us are exhibiting an allergy to silver, enhanced senses and/or strength. Once we leave this courtroom we very well may be subject to the Act we just ratified.”
“Madame Fixington?” Albus asked.
The senior healer in question turned and shook her head sadly. “So far, everyone has tested positive for lycanthropy.”
“You’re all beasts!” Harry jumped up angrily. He was whirling around, frantically trying to keep his distance from everyone surrounding him. “Stay away!”
Nicholas Nott shifted behind Harry, but was noticed in Harry’s peripheral vision. Harry spun around and sent him flying back with an overcharged stunner.
“He was trying to bite me!” Harry screeched. “The madness is setting in! I’m done with stunners. Next creature near me gets to test my aim on a Silver Spear curse.” Harry held his wand out as he kept turning back and forth.
“Lower your wand, Mr. Potter,” Albus insisted while drawing his own wand.
“How do I know you’re not one of them?” Harry growled leveling his wand at Albus.
“Would the healers please test both myself and Mr. Potter,” Albus stated firmly. “And then continue testing everyone else for lycanthropy.”
Harry remained vigilant, keeping his eyes on his surroundings. The healers announced that the Headmaster and Harry both tested negative for lycanthropy, but so far they had been the only two who had. It was not lost on those waiting to be tested, that Harry and Albus were the only ones who had managed a shield in time.
“Filthy stinking vermin,” Harry mumbled to himself. “Halfbreed… dirty… muddy… vile… animals.”
“I move to fully overturn every aspect of the Werewolf Regulation Act,” Tiberius Ogden called out as he handed Albus the gavel back.
“Get away from me, you worthless wretches,” Harry snapped when several people had turned to stare at him. He addressed the assembly as the last few were declared healthy yet positive for lycanthropy. “You can’t overturn the bill we just ratified. Your opinion shouldn’t even count anymore.”
Albus wasn’t sure exactly what was going on, but it appeared that Harry had managed to genuinely turn every other member of the Wizengamot into werewolves. “Whether you believe it should count or not, Mr. Potter, the bill clearly states that werewolves can work for the Ministry. And should a significant enough majority agree to overturn, then the law states it must be so. A bill you yourself, voted in favor of and agreed with.”
“Drat!” Harry said snapping his fingers in irritation. “Felled by our own sword.”
“Ha-ha!” Jugson cheered from beside him. “Leave the politics to the adults, Boy-Who-Lived. You’re outnumbered and outmatched. The Werewolf Regulation Act will be repealed.”
Harry shook his head sadly and began to work on the next step of Operation Tolerance or Else. “I may be outnumbered right now, but everyone knows lycanthropy is only genetically passed on twenty-five percent of the time. A single generation and proper human wizards will have the majority again. Then, we will exterminate the problem, permanently!”
“Never, Mr. Potter,” a man across the assembly argued. “We will institute new laws. Laws pertaining to werewolves that will require a significant werewolf majority to alter or overturn.”
“Curses,” Harry swore making an angry fist. “Foiled again!”
Albus thought Harry was laying it on a bit thick but was gobsmacked by his next declaration.
“I know!” Harry exclaimed. “I’ve got the Minister on my side. He hates werewolves even more than I do!”
Several Wizengamot members were mumbling to each other, before a man responded. “We’ve got the majority. We’ll vote him out right now!”
“Down with Fudge!”
“And do what?” Harry snarled. “Try and force a werewolf minister on the wizarding world? They’ll never stand for that. I’ll lead the revolution myself before you turn these hallowed halls into your own private zoo.”
Several people exchanged nervous glances and Harry started waving his wand again, forcing nearby people to take another step back.
Harry saw they were all somewhat stumped and didn’t want to give them the opportunity to dwell on things right now. “Besides, none of you understand the pain of transformation. None of you understand the wolf inside you and how to control it, or how not to submit to its foreign power.”
Fearful discussions of the changes in their lives and ramifications of today sprung up throughout the Wizengamot.
“We need government sanctioned safe houses for all transformations,” one man suggested. “We can provide Wolfsbane for those who can’t afford it.”
“Scholarships to Hogwarts,” a woman mused aloud, “and updates to public facilities to make them werewolf friendly.”
“Ten million galleons devoted to finding a cure!” Another woman called out, earning herself many cheers.
“Fifty million!” A man called back to even louder applause.
“We’ll make it illegal to discriminate on the basis of an unwanted affliction,” A man shouted proudly.
Albus’ head was spinning back and forth unable to believe his ears.
“It’ll never work,” Harry shouted back at them. “Not as long as I’m around and I’ve got the Minister on my side. You wretched beasts are in the minority outside this courtroom. The real people won’t stand for it.”
“I’ve got it,” Jonathan Jugson exclaimed pulling away from Harry to show he meant no threat. “You said we don’t know what being a werewolf means. But that’s why we’ll nominate your friend, Remus Lupin to Interim Minister.”
Harry narrowed his eyes as everyone stared at him. He tapped his chin in thought. “He is decent enough…” Harry frowned as if he swallowed something vile, qualifying, “for a werewolf.”
“And we’ll institute a new department,” another man suggested. “If ever there’s a Minister not afflicted with lycanthropy, then there must be a Director of Werewolf Affairs with powers equal to the Minister. And that position can only be overturned when the Wizengamot agrees and at least a thousand werewolves have signed off on it.”
Harry turned to Dumbledore and held a tight smile. “It sounds like I don’t have much choice here.”
Dumbledore just stared at Harry in fright at all he had accomplished so far. Everyone else was quickly drafting the new laws after a formal vote on overturning the original Werewolf Regulation Act flew by with an overwhelming majority of 159 in favor and 1 Supreme Commander opposed. Fudge was ousted unanimously and Remus Lupin was appointed interim Minister without his knowledge or consent.
A week later, it was the morning after the full moon. Tonks had received notice and a portkey from the DA, so she escorted a very weary and tired Marauder back to Grimmauld Place cutting short the last four days of their cruise.
They walked into the kitchen and saw a late brunch was out on the table for them to eat.
Sitting at the head of the table was Harry, munching on a piece of string cheese, while Hermione rested in his lap, with her head on his shoulder.
“Morning Moony,” Harry greeted while tearing off a piece of cheese and feeding it to Hermione. “Feeling okay?”
“I’m sore, I’m exhausted, and I’m wondering why I’m back in England,” Remus grumbled sitting down at the table and grabbing a few pieces of bacon.
“Hermione here made a very good point that I overlooked,” Harry said. “Your campaign will be easier if you’re seen the morning after a full moon, up and about and in good spirits.”
“My campaign?” Remus repeated doubtfully. “Listen, Harry, I know you tried to keep the news away from me,” Remus smiled gently at Tonks. “But before we left, I’d already gotten a bracelet that Amos charmed to link with the bill, so I could get out of the country if it had been rushed through last month. It turned black a week ago, so I know the Act passed. Did any other amendments get bundled into it?”
Hermione was smiling as she replied, “Yes, Harry. Tell him the amendments that were added in.”
Harry rolled his eyes and explained, “There were a few… unsavory additions restricting a number of things like a tax on breathing but don’t worry about those. Because what your precious little bracelet failed to tell you is that the Act was completely overturned less than two hours later.”
Remus had been nodding expecting the worst and stopped in surprise to look at Harry with a strip of bacon sticking out of his mouth. He swallowed the bite and his mouth and asked, “Really?”
Hermione huffed, turning towards her former DADA professor. “Didn’t I tell you this was a job for the DA?”
“I’ll admit I felt some hope when you said that, but after the bracelet…” Remus trailed off and asked, “So that’s it? No more worries that I’ll be tattooed and tossed in a happy camp?”
“Nope,” Harry assured. “No worries of that.”
“Wait,” Remus questioned. “If the Act was overturned, then why do I need to parade around or campaign for werewolf rights?”
Harry sighed. “You Junior DA members are so slow to pick up on things.”
“Haven’t you been listening? The DA took care of it,” Hermione explained. “Werewolf rights have been completely secured and you never need to worry about them again.”
“Why can’t I just go to bed then?” Remus whined.
“Because it’s too soon for you to rule out re-election,” Hermione answered. “After a few weeks if you decide being Minister of Magic isn’t for you then you can withdraw from the spring elections and sleep in all you want.”
Remus looked at Tonks and then back at Harry and Hermione. He repeated the words he thought he heard over and over in his head before simply replying, “What?”
“You were named the interim Minister of Magic,” Harry repeated slowly and loudly.
“What?” Remus tried again.
“Do we have to spell it out for you?” Harry tiredly said. “Agent Furry Fury, the lead on Operation Tolerance or Else, created a new magical affliction that the healers at St. Mungos this morning started calling fake-anthropy because it mimics lycanthropy aside from the lunar transformations.”
“Aside from the lun-” Remus stopped and pinched himself to make sure he was awake. When he didn’t wake up, he turned back towards them. “Yes, yes I need you to spell it out for me. So, once more, umm… what?”
“Agent Furry Fury,” Harry repeated, “created a potion that would permanently give someone an allergy to silver while mildly enhancing their strength and sense of smell. With the help of Agent Orange, she weaponized the potion and even got it to test positive for the standard lycanthropy diagnostic charms.”
Hermione smiled and took over. “So the Supreme Commander went to the Wizengamot and talked them into a frenzy about how dangerous and worthless werewolves are. Within the hour they were all riled up and willing to ‘execute’ the 500 transfigured liters of tainted blood that they believed to be a werewolf who begged for spare change.”
Remus was just listening to them both, occasionally mumbling to himself, “What?”
Harry continued. “Next thing you know everyone except Albus and me are under the impression that they’re werewolves and suddenly the Regulation Act doesn’t look so hot on the receiving side of the issue. A few nudges here and there, Fudge was tossed, there’s a permanent Werewolf Director with as much authority as the Minister.”
“Scholarships to Hogwarts,” Hermione added. “Wolfsbane provided by the government.”
“Safe houses for transformation, fifty million galleons devoted to finding a cure,” Harry continued. “Oh and of course, you were appointed Interim Minister of Magic.”
“Of course,” Remus mockingly nodding seeing Tonks was as surprised as him. “Me as Minister of Magic. Nothing else would make sense.”
“It makes perfect sense,” Hermione explained, “After all Harry was the only prominent anti-werewolf voice left and so they’d need someone he approved of as Minister. Otherwise they’d have to worry about Harry leading the revolution against all the filthy wretched halfbreeds now filling the Wizengamot.”
“And in about a week or two,” Harry added, “the smartest witch at Hogwarts will discover the amazing and landmark cure to fake-anthropy. Who knows? Maybe the new Minister will want to give her a special services award for her brilliant discovery.”
“Right,” Remus agreed. “A commendation from the Minister.”
“All and all,” Harry said smiling at Hermione. “I’d call it a successful mission, Agent Furry Fury.”
“Thank you Supreme Commander.”
“I think I need to lie down,” Remus said getting up. He stopped their arguments by mockingly adding, “Appearances and re-election can wait.”
Harry felt Hermione wiggling happily on his lap. He saw Remus was halfway out of the kitchen. “Now don’t forget Moony, as Minister you get to hand-select the aurors permanently assigned to you. So if there are any random auror metamorphmagi that you’ve been having wet dreams about, you might want to keep them in mind.”
Remus smiled weakly at Tonks who was grinning from ear to ear now.
“I’m going to take a nap now,” Remus said as he walked out of the kitchen.
Harry called out to the retreating werewolf, “That wasn’t quite what I meant by keeping her in mind, but whatever works.”
Author’s Note: This ends the second installment of The DA Missions. Crookshanks says review.