Hermione picked up Crookshanks and hugged him against her, feeling his purr vibrate through the soft warmth that was his fur. For a moment she buried her face in his neck, willing herself not to cry. When she looked up her control was intact, and she inhaled with barely a tremble. She turned away from Ron’s furious eyes and Harry’s distant ones without another word. She didn’t dare say anything. If she opened her mouth all the horrible things that were tumbling through her head might come pouring out. Those or the tears. She’d regret either one. So without a sound she crossed the room to the portrait and calmly climbed out. As the entrance to Gryffindor common room swung she behind her she burst into huge sobs.
She continued to bawl as she walked away, lest anyone she actually knew find her. Hugging Crookshanks tight she breathed in the calming smell of his fur and tried to stop crying. Once the tears had cleared she found herself at the doorway of the one place she always felt at home in Hogwarts, no matter how stupid Ron was being or who was angry with her. The library.
She stifled her sobs as she entered, averting her face from the bulk of the students and trying desperately not to catch anyone’s eye or even draw attention to herself.
Finally she reached a spot no one else seemed keen to occupy. It was in the middle of the huge area, which was much larger on the inside than it appeared to be from outside the door.
She settled at a desk, Crookshanks in her lap, and buried her head in her arms. The tears that she had held back as she crossed the much scrutinised entryway to the library spilled from her eyes. A single spot of hot wetness was soon joined by others until her cheeks and the arms upon which she had rested them were salty and soaking. She tried to call back the hot anger with which she had stormed out of the common room, impervious to Ron’s glare and her house’s curious eyes, but the carefully constructed rage had been washed away by the tears and now al she found was an interminable well of misery. She tried to remember some of the harsh, cutting things she had wanted to say to the boys, but all she could see was Ron’s accusing gaze and all she could hear was his stupid, unfounded accusations.
Great work. Her mind jeered at her. Now you’ve gone and alienated your only friends. No one else likes you. They just pretend to because you hang around with the boy wonder. She tried to tell it to shut up. Tried to will the voice away but it just kept on at her. It was the same voice that taunted her before she fell asleep at night. The voice she kept at bay by reading until she couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore. You’re an insufferable know-it-all and you just screwed up your relationship with the only two people who ever saw past that.
“Shut up.” She whispered wetly, sniffing a little. She lifted her hands and put them over her ears, her eyes screwed shut as she concentrated on trying to get the voice to leave her alone. “Shut up, shut up, shut up!”
“I haven’t even said anything yet.” She gasped and jerked her head up, eyes opening and taking a moment to focus through the tears. Ginny Weasley was sitting a few seats away, eyeing her curiously. Hermione sniffed, taking a moment to repress the sobs and get herself under control. She felt herself blush. How silly she must have looked, muttering to herself. And what a mess she was, she realised. Her eyes and nose were streaming and her hair was all over the place, more so than usual.
“I’m sorry Ginny, I didn’t mean to say anything.” Ginny cocked her head to one side, swinging her legs as she regarded the older girl.
“Really? Because it sounded like you meant to say ‘shut up and go away’.” She smiled crookedly as a hysterical laugh made its way up and out of Hermione’s throat. It emerged half strangled but she felt slightly better for having something to laugh at, even if it wasn’t very funny. It was certainly better than the alternative, which was continuing to cry and talk to herself. She took a deep, somewhat shaky breath, gathering her control and smiled back at the younger girl.
“I suppose I did mean to say it. But not out loud and certainly not to you.” Ginny’s smile stayed in place and she drew one of her legs up onto her seat, wrapping her arms around it.
“Well then who were you saying it to? If you weren’t saying it out loud?” Hermione felt her smile slipping slightly and she sighed, letting it dissolve.
“Myself mostly, I suppose.” Ginny raised an eyebrow, the one leg that hung down off her chair still swinging.
“Mostly?” Hermione nodded. “Who was the not mostly part to?” She chuckled again, slightly less insanely than the previous time and felt a little better again.
“Your brother.” She confessed. Ginny’s eyebrows rose some more and she made a knowing hmmm sound. The two girls sat in silence for a moment.
“It’s not a very nice thing to tell yourself.” Ginny pointed out eventually. Hermione’s smile was a little rueful but at least it was there and it wasn’t bitter.
“No, I suppose it’s not.” The silence descended again and the older girl found thoughts spiralling back down into the abyss from which the small red head had only partially succeeded in dragging her out of and away from.
“How did you find me?” She blurted out, desperate to avoid the internal monologue which would only inspire more tears and muttering. Ginny’s smile took on a slightly strange quality as she looked at Hermione, equal parts mischievous and mysterious.
“I was on my way to visit some friends when I saw you run in. You’re normally attached by the hip to the buffoon brother of mine and wonder boy. I figured if you were here alone something was wrong, so I thought I’d check on you.” The brunette smiled gratefully at her small friend the immediately frowned. “Anyone who puts up with my brother needs checking on occasionally, in case they run mad.”
“I’m not keeping you from your friends am I.” The slight hesitation before Ginny shook her head gave her away. Hermione tried to smile and force down the panic she felt at the thought of the younger girl leaving her alone with her thoughts.
“You should go. I’m sure they’re missing you.” Ginny bit her lip, obviously torn. Hermione watched some internal debate rage across the girls features before it resolved itself into a happy smile.
“Why don’t you come with me?” Now it was Hermione’s turn to hesitate, but Ginny was already up and tugging enthusiastically on her arm.
“I should really study.” Her hand sought her bag in its familiar place hanging from the corner of the chair before she remembered it was still up in her dormitory. Deprived of this avenue of escape she gave in to the pleading hazel eyes, she could probably find a book. But right now the voice was tugging at the back of her mind and she had a feeling that it was going to be very hard to drown out, even with all the new formulas and rules she could feel calling her form the legions of shelves.
“Oh alright.”
“Yes!” Ginny grabbed her hand once more and this time Hermione didn’t resist as Crookshanks dropped from her lap and she was pulled deeper into the library.
They walked for what felt like a very long time. Hermione began to wonder if the library even had internal limits. It didn’t seem to. You could never see the walls and the rows of shelves just seemed to go on forever. Of course, she knew the library was huge. Hogwart’s a History called it ‘the most magically enlarged building in the wizarding world’ and said that it ‘pushed the boundaries of both practical and theoretical magical assumptions’. Unfortunately it hadn’t told her exactly how large it was, so she and Ginny could theoretically end up walking for days if the younger girl didn’t know where they were going. She couldn’t help thinking of the Pevensie children lost in the seemingly innocent wardrobe and giggled at herself. Even with the amount of magic on the library she doubted there was another world in here.
Ginny glanced back when she giggled, and Hermione wondered how to explain the concept to someone who hadn’t read anything by C.S. Lewis, but Ginny just smiled and walked a little faster.
She was about to ask Ginny if she was sure she knew where they were going and, if so, when they were going to get there, when the smaller girl turned to her again and grinned, once more tugging on her hand.
“We’re almost there. Come on!”
Hermione allowed herself a half smile at the smallest Weasley’s enthusiasm as she was tugged through the last few stacks of shelves towards voices which could be heard just out of range. She had wondered where Ginny had been disappearing off to since the beginning of the year. She felt a little guilty that she hadn’t thought to ask, but she had just assumed the girl had made some friends in her own grade. It would be good for her, she had decided, not stuck around mooning after Harry all the time. Now she admitted to herself that she hadn’t wanted to worry about it after all the fuss last year. It still smarted that it had taken her so long to figure out what was going on. Honestly, what else turned…
“Good evening Ginevra, I see you’ve brought a guest.” A familiar voice drawled. Hermione stiffened and stepped in front of Ginny, one hand reaching for her wand. But the younger girl laughed and stepped neatly back around her, pulling Hermione’s wand hand into hers.
“Yes Draco, I did.” Her voice was a little challenging with a touch of defiance but there was real laughter in the undertone. The boy who had now come into view lounging in one of the chairs with his feet on the table smirked.
“Alright then. Just clarifying.” Ginny rolled her eyes and released Hermione’s hand, moving over towards Malfoy’s chair. Once there she carefully inserted her foot under one of the raised legs and tipped it, sending him sprawling. He leapt up, spluttering indignantly and pointed a dramatic finger at her. For a single instant Hermione thought he had drawn his wand and prepared to lunge forward again. But then he spoke.
“Foul beast!” He proclaimed, his head tilted back so he could stare balefully at Ginny from the corner of his eye. “Thou hast grievously injured my person!”
“Oh shut up Draco.” Came a new voice and Draco deflated somewhat.
“It really hurt Ginny.” He whined and the redhead girl just poked her tongue out at him and turned in the direction the voice had come from.
“Daphne? Where are you?” A light chuckle floated from the bookshelves and a Slytherin who Hermione vaguely recognised from her potions class appeared. As Ginny stepped towards the smiling girl Hermione jerked her backwards and turned away both of them away from the strange pair, firmly gripping Ginny’s elbow.
“Are you insane?” She hissed. “Malfoy, Ginny, Draco Malfoy. As in the boy who’s father tried to kill you last year.” There was a quiet whistle behind her and Hermione turned around to scowl at Malfoy who was lounging casually against one of the shelves behind her examining his nails and whistling a circus tune. As soon as her gaze landed on him he glanced up and smiled charmingly.
“What? Oh, don’t mind me.” Ginny laughed and gently pulled her elbow out of Hermione’s wavering grip. The smiling red head moved towards the smirking Slytherin.
“It’s alright Hermione.” She told the older girl.
“Yes,” Draco echoed. “calm down Hermy.” She scowled at him and, finally, Ginny turned to do so too.
“Play nice Draco.” The Slytherin girl scolded, coming forward and swinging her hand at the back of his head. The blonde boy ducked and stood up, grinning, to face the girl.
“Got to be quicker than that Daph.” Unfortunately his movement had placed Ginny directly behind him and her palm connected firmly with the back of his head. He turned to her and the look of indignation on his face made Hermione smile a little before she remembered who she was with. But it was too late, he’d seen it.
“Ha! The mighty Hermy cracks!” Ginny turned back to Hermione and pointedly rolled her eyes.
“Ignore the madman behind me. There’s no dealing with him when he’s in this kind of mood. In all honesty it’s because his father tried to kill me that we’re here.” Hermione stared at Draco. It was true that she’d never seen him in this kind of mood before. He had now settled on one of the tables, where he was cheerfully swinging his legs, knocking his feet against the legs of the table. He looked, well, almost like any other thirteen year old boy. He caught her staring and smirked. She turned her eyes away quickly. She had not just been thinking that! She looked around for Ginny, intending to drag the younger girl all the way back to Gryffindor tower if she had to.
The red head had moved away and was now sitting, deep in a quiet conversation with the Slytherin girl. Daphne a part of her brain, different to the part that she had been fighting with before, they have names. She looked back at Draco, who was now studying the ceiling. She suddenly felt very alone and exposed. She’d never been alone in the same bit of space as Draco Malfoy before. Of course, she wasn’t really alone. But she still felt very uncomfortable.
“So.” Her attention snapped back to him and he held his hands up in a gesture of peace, she relaxed fractionally. He slowly lowered them, as if afraid she might pounce at any moment.
“So Hermyyyyyy.” He began, drawing out the last syllable of her name into a singsong half insult. She scowled at him, like she always did when Ron said something stupid.
“What Malfoy?” She snapped, angry at herself for comparing him to her erstwhile friend. She raised his eyebrows at her.
“There’s no need to snap.” He pointed out coolly, “I was just going to ask, since you read so much and all, have you ever heard of Terry Pratchett.” She looked at him, eyebrows raised.
“He’s a muggle author, what would you know about him?” Draco shrugged.
“He’s very good.” A soft smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “For a muggle.” He added.
Hermione repressed the urge to laugh and sat down at the table he was perched on, in spite of herself. Perhaps it was because she was weakened by the fight with the first people who had really accepted her. Perhaps it was something to with how relaxed Ginny was with these people or the pleading look in Malfoy’s eyes. Or perhaps she was just drawn by the idea of being able to converse about that books that she loved with someone her own age for once.
Hours later the two girls hurried through the darkened hallways on their way back to the common room.
“See, they aren’t really horrible.” One said. The other was silent for a while. But it was a thoughtful silence. Finally she said,
“I suppose so. I don’t think you should tell your brother though.” The first one shook her head.
“Or Harry. They wouldn’t understand.” The second one nodded and there was another moment of silence before the first one asked,
“Do you think it’s because they’re boys?” The second one answered slowly.
“I don’t know. That might be part of it. Draco seems to feel the same way about Harry, maybe that’s because he’s a boy too.” The hallways echoed with their hurried footsteps.
“You’ll come back then?” The first one asked. The second nodded emphatically and the first one grinned.
“I can’t wait for you to meet the others too.” The silence this time was a hesitant one.
“Others?” The first one was quick to reassure.
“They’re just as nice. Some of them are nicer than Draco.” The second one sounded almost surprised as she responded.
“Oh, I don’t know. He’s alright. In his own way.” The first one just smiled.
Draco was quiet all the way back to the Slytherin common room. Daphne knew better than to say anything about his unusually broody silence though. He was quiet the rest of the evening too, staring thoughtfully into the fire while other bustled all around him.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Pansy said, “I told you hanging out with the Weasley girl was a bad idea.” Daphne rolled her eyes.
“You think everything’s a bad idea.”
“And you said you liked Ginny!” Astoria pointed out. Daphne smiled at her little sister. Pansy raised her eyebrows.
“That doesn’t mean it was a good idea.” She said.
“Stop complaining Pansy.” Everyone looked over at Draco, who had focussed on the developing argument.
“Why should I Draco?” Pansy stood up, leaning over him and continuing in a whisper. “Just because I’ve decided to join your merry little band doesn’t mean I want to associate with goody little Gryffindors.” Draco glared up at her, then stood, pushing her out of the way.
“’m going to bed.” He announced. Daphne sighed.
“Alright Draco, night.” The other girls chorused their goodnights. Pansy left soon after, still sulking at the abrupt end to her impending fight. Astoria drifted over to where Blaise was seated, concentrating so intently on a piece of parchment he had missed the fight entirely. Soon they were sitting with their heads bent over it, whispering together. Daphne smiled as she watched them.
After a while the final member of the band caught her eye. Theodore was half seated in shadows and a book lay open on his lap, but something told her he hadn’t missed a thing.
He glanced up as she watched him, meeting her eyes for a moment. She smiled at him and considered going over. She finally decided against it. She was tired and if she didn’t send Blaise and Tori off to bed the two would be up all night. Quietly she stood up from her chair and moved over to the two conspirators.