Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 11 from Popdude125 on November 18, 2010

Exceedingly well written, with a vivid plotline with jet enough mystery too it, I can't wait to find out what a fireborn is!

Author reply
Thanks for the kind words. There's actually twelve more chapters, which I haven't posted here, due to the ultra-crappy review ratio on this site. I might throw them up on here later today.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 10 from greywizard-dumblemort on November 14, 2009

Wasn't majorly fond of the first half of the latest chapter, I felt the kiddie interaction was a little less awkward than it perhaps should have been considering their circumstances (two people completely new to the wizarding world, a supremely unconfident and introverted Neville and a famous kid you've read about in books and newspapers who, as far as you know, could be a potential murderer/dark magician.) Tracy's knowledge of how the trace works is a bit baffling seeing as she's supposedly muggleborn and a lot of the dialogue on the train ride just seemed too much like the usual set-up for 'one of those' fics. Harry and his new friends discuss the injustice of a world they literally just entered (well, Tracy and Hermoine anyway), complete with the usual Malfoy train visit, Harry deciding Neville has potential', Harry going the extra mile in the whole making friends thing and a bit of dialogue about Dark and Light families with, disturbingly rigid dark/light casting. Light family/Dark family has connotations on its own. 'Light wizards' and 'light magic' aren't mentioned in canon thankfully (its way too comic book 'good and evil' for me, evidently JK felt the same way). Everyone has the capacity for good and the capacity for evil. The Dark families are the one's known for their 'dark wizards' (practitioners of Dark magic) as far as I understand it. Most magic is neutral and there are very few spells that could be taken as 'light magic' though there's a very clear distinction when it comes to Dark magic. This is all a matter of personal preference though so don't take too much offence to it. ________________ANYWAYS__________________ It's not often people write Tracy Davis as a muggleborn, that was well done. In fact, the whole second half of this chapter (barring of course Harry shouting 'I don't anything about myself' in the great hall) was very enjoyable. The sorting was good, Slytherin genuinely surprised me but its fitting, you wove it in nicely. The few minor revelations during the sorting were interesting. The Slytherins' initial reaction to Harry and Tracy was well done as well with Pucey being very believably characterised. He reminded me of pompous Percy mixed with a more immature Snape. Tracey's hecklers were well written. Pansy's righteous fury was PERFECT. At that age, when you grow up with certain ideals and everyone you know shares those ideals they're absolute truths to you. No doubt she would have been told stories of the horrid magic-stealing mudbloods and witch burning muggles as well. She feels absolutely justified in her hatred and that's exactly the way people can be in real life, regardless of right and wrong. I was hoping to see a fair bit more weariness though from some of the other students, Harry's an alleged dark wizard afterall and someone had to take notice of the fact that a first year just beat up a fifth year EFFORTLESSLY and then went on to perform a fairly advanced feather-light charm. This fic never seems to stop being interesting .. I'll stop nitpicking seeing as you've obviously got everything well in hand. I didn't like the first half but this chapter is still a solid 4/4.5 out of 5 for me.

Author reply
Thanks for the review. Hermione and Tracey wouldn't be as wary of Harry, because of still living in the muggle world, and only being exposed to a small portion of the Wizarding world. Your point on Tracey and the trace is a good one. Whoops. Yeah, a lot of people didn't like the Light/Dark stuff. It's not going to be a major plot point. Thanks for the kind words on Sorting situation, and my slant on the Slytherins. Thanks again for the review.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 9 from greywizard-dumblemort on November 07, 2009

I'm really hoping for Beauxbatons, if only because its so rarely done. Hogwarts would be the easy way out but with so much against them Hogwarts is a really poor choice. -Harry's being labelled as a Dark lord/traitor and so has Dumbledore who's going to be his only defense. -Voldemort is still floating around somewhere and is going to make further attempts at both the stone and Harry. -Lucius Malfoy is the most powerful member on that same board of governors that's giving Dumbledore so much trouble. He can influence things at Hogwarts. Voldemort's servants also have older children at Hogwarts, like Flint etc. -We've seen from canon the extent to which the ministry can intervene at Hogwarts; they displaced Dumbledore, set up Umbridge as supreme Hogwarts dictator and generally fcked Harry and Dumbledore around for a year. I don't Harry fully understands how bad the situation is which is GREAT by the way because it shows that you remember he's still a child. The childish tantrum against Fleur was also a good touch. When he fully realises what he might be getting into it would be interesting to see him ask to transfer from Hogwarts. I expect different Harry= different friends, especially since he isn't all that interested in friendship beyond building a reputation. If you manage to follow events logically then it would make for interesting reading. Ron couldn't stand Hermoine and they wouldn't have been friends if it wasn't for Harry. Hermoine's character might also be too annoying to appeal to this Harry's character as well (he isn't desperate for friends in this fic). It will be VERY interesting to see what you manage to conjure up next. You're doing a superb job so far so..... keep up the good work.

Author reply
Thanks for the kind words. Beauxbatons is a better choice, for the reasons you mentioned, but they're not going to force Harry to attend there. Granted, Beauxbatons will play a very large role in the story, with huge chunks of the narrative taking place there, but that's pretty far down the line. Even though Harry has been through some real traumatic stuff (the reader has only seen the tip of the iceberg), you're right, he ultimately is still just a kid. His conversation with Fleur served to illustrate this. I have thought out this story logically, and his friends will be different. As you said, he wants to build a reputation, so he will make every effort to be well-regarded socially. The Harry/Hermione/Ron dynamic will not be like canon. At all. Thanks again for the kind words.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 8 from greywizard-dumblemort on November 07, 2009

I guess I kind of understand the 'why' considering you probably needed a reason for the stone to be left in Dumbledore's care but its still rather baffling how simple it was for a theif to infiltrate a warded island. I'd hardly think being a 'professional theif' alone would enable someone to break into Nicholas Flamel's estate with such ease. 600 yrs worth of protection & 600yrs of magical knowledge which I'm guessing included at least some obscure, potent wards and runes (stuff most likely lost over the ages) is what I'd think the Flamels have at their disposal. Think of how many powerful dark wizards over the years seeking immortality (Voldemort included) would have tried to steal Flamel's stone as it is one of the most useful and well known sources of immortality. The fact that its still in Flamel's possession after 600 years speaks very highly of his ability to protect it and the safety of his residence. I also found it very careless of NIcholas not to ask HOW the man managed to break in. That's one of the first things you'd want to know if your security is breached. Everything else though was as impeccably done as usual. Looking forward to future updates.

Author reply
Thanks for the review. Yes, I did need for Dumbledore to take control of the Stone. It certainly was not simple to infiltrate the island's wards, but I'll admit that the defenses were not impenetrable. Here appeared the problem of explaining too much, so I opted not to. But, I'll explain here. Here's how I view canon (taking into account my story): 1. Voldemort sends servant to Flamel Manor. He infiltrates the island, but can't steal the stone, as the protections too complex for even him. As in, it's far easier to make a small room impenetrable, than an entire island. Thief fails. Nicolas worried. 2. Nicolas gives Stone to Dumbledore, who temporarily stories in in Gringotts, Quirrell goes to steal it, having paid off goblins within Gringotts. Dumbledore antcipates the Stone might not be safe, though, so has Hagrid take it to Hogwarts. I don't think anything there contradicts canon. In Sitra Ahra, the thief runs into Harry, up at an unnatural hour, so he never has the chance to fail at the Stone's protections. However, since Nicolas now has Harry to worry about, decides to have Dumbledore take the Stone while he improves the wards around the island. Others may have tried to break in, but Nicolas took the attitude that he can handle them. With Harry around, he's had to shift his thinking. Nicolas did ask, I just didn't write it, since the reader already knows how. I probably should have mentioned it though. Thanks again for the review.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 9 from darklordmike on November 03, 2009

Great work with this chapter. I really liked the scene with Fleur and the birthday scene in particular. You did a nice job of capturing the proper tone for a precocious 11-year-old who's slowly coming out of his shell. And I'm really looking forward to Harry and Fleur's mutual attempts to humiliate each other. Noticed the drop-in with Pepper, which was a nice touch. What about Tonks? Will her memory ever be redeemed?

Author reply
Thanks for the kind words. Indeed, Harry and Fleur will be attempting to humiliate each other in the future. Yes, Tonks will be redeemed at some point.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 8 from darklordmike on October 22, 2009

Nice work; everything flows together really well. I liked the action with the house elf, but the Harry/Flamel interaction remains one of the best parts of the story, I think. Nicolas seems like a combination of a wise grandfather and a slightly sketchy old uncle; it should be fun to see him teach Harry more advanced magic. I'm looking forward to seeing him in a fight too. I'm still fond of the mystery surrounding Harry's wand. Perhaps it will turn out to belong to a famous doofus like Barnabas the Barmy? :) Keep up the great work.

Author reply
Thanks for the kind words. I keep feeling better about the Harry/Flamel interaction the further into the story I get, which is nice, since it felt rather awkward to write at first. I think I'm going to clear up the mystery of Harry's wand next chapter. We shall see.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 7 from darklordmike on September 30, 2009

Nice work. An interesting little interlude. When you see all of the articles together, they do a good job of showcasing all the different perspectives on Harry. The jury's still out, I think, on the way you framed the chapter--the contents of a report from seven years in the future. Certainly it makes the reader wonder who the mysterious Undesirable #1 is, and paints a gloomy picture of how things will turn out for Harry. It's a neat experiment, and I'm hoping it ties in well with what is to come.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 6 from darklordmike on September 17, 2009

Excellent chapter! Your added discussion of Harry's motives was very helpful; it's all much clearer now, and I think we've got a good sense of who this Harry is. I still really like old man Flamel, and look forward to seeing how you develop him. With centuries of experience behind him, I'd imagine he can get cantankerous, bawdy, and lulzy at the drop of a hat. Likewise with your definition of the Dark Arts. I'm not sure I like the idea of there being a vast gulf between Light and Dark magic, but I really like the idea of Dark Magic being based in sacrifice. It'll be interesting to see just how much Harry is willing to sacrifice of himself to gain power. The destruction of the horcrux works much better now as well. If, as you've stated, Harry is not himself a horcrux, then I'm interested to see why he had such a strong reaction to the destruction. Nice work.

Author reply
Thanks for the kind words. Yeah, it took some work, but I think Harry makes more sense, internally, now. Right now we've only really seen the gracious side of Nicolas. As time passes, the whole of his character will come to the forefront. The lengths Harry will need to go will be an ongoing theme. Yeah, I really botched my first attempt at the Horcrux scene. On the second matter, my lips are sealed. Thanks again.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 5 from darklordmike on June 21, 2009

Great chapter. A lot of interesting things happening here. My personal favorite was the Dumbledore/Flamels interaction. I like the fact that they're both crotchety and wise; looking forward to seeing more of them. I also enjoyed the brief interlude from Harry's POV. It was a very concise and compelling take on what it must be like to be stripped of your sense of self. My only real criticism remains with the first section. It's appropriately creepy, but the detail that Voldemort goes into about the Ministry and his plans make that section overlong, particularly because the events in question have either already happened or will happen at the end of the chapter. Still, great work and I'm eagerly looking forward to seeing what Harry is like when he recovers.

Author reply
Thanks for the review. I'm glad the Flamels came off good, as you'll be seeing a lot of them. I concede that the first section was too long. Ah well.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 4 from darklordmike on June 06, 2009

Excellent chapter, as usual. The fight scene was riveting; it's the first wands vs. wards battle I've seen, and you did a good job of emphasizing Dumbledore's power while at the same time showing that he could be trapped just like anyone else. Amelia is a lot of fun, as is the bureaucratic clusterfuck she has to deal with. I bet they eat donuts in the Muggle Relations dept. I'm really looking forward to your plans for this Pepper fellow. Wouldn't it be great if he accidentally impregnated Narcissa? We didn't actually see her cast the contraceptive charm, after all :) Keep up the good work.

Author reply
Thanks for the kind words. I'm glad the wands vs. wards fight worked for you. More Amelia next chapter. Ha, Narcissa carrying a Muggleborn's child. I like it, but it's not happening here.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 3 from Johnny Farrar on May 13, 2009

No, no, nooooooooooo. You can't end it there. Damn it. You simply can't end it there. Now, I will have to wait a full month to read the duel. Urgh... All right. First things first, about the chapter, once again awesomely written with near perfect execution. No gramatical error that I noticed and it was totally worth the wait. Few things though, I noticed a few logical errors, of course I could be mistaken. When Voldemort has Lucius swear the oath, he doesn't mention a time-frame within which Lucius has to accquire the vault. I get that you are using magic as the determining factor. But even magic must know when his time is up to accqire the vaults, otherwise Lucius will wait as long as needed to accquire the vault. Or he may chose not to accquire one at all just to get out of the vow. When Narcissa-Tonks tells Dumbledore about the section where Harry is living, Dumbledore shows surprise and leaves soon afterwards to meet Harry. But Narciisa did not inform Dumbledore about the name of the orphanage where Harry is staying. I am sure there is more than one orphange in London. You have shown Voldemort to be intelligent and cunning, and not an insane Dark Lord high on his own apparent grandeur. Somehow, I felt that this image of Voldemort did not fit with that of the one we see in the end of the chapter. Voldemort is weak and in such a position to fight Dumbledore is not the best option. Even if that is what he decides, then shouldn't he have tried to mount a surprise attack on Dumbledore when he comes to visit Harry instead of talking and telling him who he is. A pet peave of mine is usage of words such as Light spells or the Light side or the Light wizard. No where, in canon is the order of phoenix or Dumbledore been described as the Light side or the Light wizard, neither are there spells which are light. Yes, Dark arts exist and Voldemort has been described as the Dark Lord but nowhere in canon has there been any mention of its counterpart as the Light. I think removing the part where you mention Dumbledore as the Light Wizard and where Voldemort refers to the other side as the Light side will allow for better flow of the story. But that's my opinion and you may differ from it. And the mention of Crowley and the others who are Harry's gaurdian, are they not wizards somehow I got the feeling that they weren't. Snape's mention that Voldemort is coming back, though he is weaker. Exactly which Voldemort is he talking about, is it the ring Horcrux possessing Harry or the shade that we see in PS. Does the latter even exsist in this story. The landscape theory that you subscribe to for occlumency is highly cliched and I have seen a lot of people doing it. But your's was well-written, logical and it made sense to the story. The part with the T.V and CD player was pretty funny too. Nothing else comes to mind right now. So, I will simply say once again that the new chapter was some excellent piece of writing. I hope to read more soon. Oh, btw, I think it would be preferreble if you post your story in short sections of each chapter in the DLP WbA section. Since, each chapter is so long (which is good thing, mind you), however, it becomes easier to review there if its shorter. I am not asking you to shorten the chapters, just break them in shorter parts to post in DLP. However, that's your decision to make. Once again, awesome update and am definitaly looking forward for more.

Author reply
Thanks for the lengthy review. Sorry about the cliffhanger, but I thought it better to get this 12,000 words out rather than delay another month for a chapter. I like comments on logical errors, since it definitely affects how I plot out the story. Well, keep in mind, Lucius has no idea which vault Voldemort is referring to. And he has no idea what the contents of the letter are. He doesn't know that Voldemort had a contingency plan for his resurrection. Every vault that Lucius acquires, increases his power within the Wizarding World. He's not going to just stop, with a vague vow hanging over his head. There's also that fact that Lucius almost always wins his claims. With that in mind, and his surety that all the Potters were dead, he didn't think it'd cause a problem. Granted, once it does he regrets it and picks up on Voldemort's plan, but he didn't have the perspective, at the time, to avoid it. You're right, I should have specified the orphanage. Nice catch. Voldemort knows that Dumbledore considers his failure to prevent him from becoming a Dark Lord to be his greatest failure. Voldemort was planning on reveailing his identity to throw him off his game, to distract him emotionally, make him an easier target. He thought Dumbledore would be devestated by seeing the child of prophecy speaking Voldemort's words. The soul fragment was mistaken in its estimation. I'll be delving into it more deeply later, but I have a thoery about splitting one's soul, that each piece, seperate from the original, becomes progressively more insane with each split. This insanity creates a logic breakdown. You are completely right about the lack of logic, but it was calculated. I disagree about the Dark and Light. While I believe there would be many neutral spells, in this story, practicioners of Dark Arts will have to fundamentally change themselves to be able to use the Dark Arts. A Light Wizard does not have to alter themselves to use Light spells, but would never be able to use the Dark Arts. To me, that's what defined the two. To use Dark, you must sacrifice a part of yourself, a part that enables the use of Light spells. Also, I'm going to emphasize it eventually, but Dark is not equivalent to evil. While Dark magic requires some sort of personal sacrifice, that doesn't mean that it has to be evil. I do welcome these discussions, though, and it did make me stop and think about it for a little. I really haven't given out much information yet on his guardians. He does have knowledge of magic, so you can safely assume he had at least some magical influence upon his life. When Snape says Voldemort has returned, it's the ring fragment he mentions. There are still missing pieces from the time the fragment possessed Harry to its encounter with Dumbledore I haven't given out yet. You're right about the "landscape" being rather cliched, so I made an effort to add in some original aspects to it. It is central to some of the upcoming events though, so I had to include it. Thanks for the kind words on the chapter, it means a lot. You're probably right about only posting scene by scene on the WbA thread. That being said, I'm not going to post any more of Sitra Ahra there, as I'm displeased with the view/comment ratio. However, if I change my mind, I'll certainly heed your advice. Thanks again for the in-depth review, it's very appreciated. - VotN

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 3 from darklordmike on May 12, 2009

Awesome stuff. I particularly like your interpretation of what it's like for Harry to be trapped within his own mind. He could conceivably learn quite a bit while stuck in there. I also liked Dumbledore's interactions with 'Tonks' and 'Harry.' Poor guy just can't assume anything about who he's talking to, can he? My reservations about the Unbreakable Vow still stand--it seems to require a little too much prescience on Lord Voldemort's part--but I get the feeling you'll explain this further later on. Nice work, and I'm really looking forward to seeing the big battle and finding out more about Crowley.

Author reply
Thanks for the review. He'll not only learn, but have ample oppurtunity to plan his escape. Dumbledore's hard luck will continue next chapter. I guess I balanced out having a virtuous Dumbledore with having bad things occur around him. It's a very legitimate complaint, about the Unbreakable. Hopefully when I delve into his motivations, you'll at least find his logic sound. The battle is definitely coming. No Crowley for a while though, sorry. Thanks for the review.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 1 from Nth_X on April 29, 2009

Seriously, that was a frickin' incredible fight scene. I hate it when James and Lily get their asses kicked like it was nothing by Voldie..after all, they've already defied him 3 times, they must have SOME skills. This was very worthy of them. Thanks for writing!

Author reply
Thanks for the review. The scene was born from my vast dissatisfaction with how DH handles the Potters' death. With how skilled they were, I thought they would put up a far better fight, especially with the advantage of being in their home. I'm glad you liked it, I did put a lot of effort into it.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 2 from Johnny Farrar on April 11, 2009

Excellent, simply excellent. The writing style is great, perfect execution and most importantly you use logic, which is a rare find in fanfic writers. The part where you explain how muggleborn wizards are found was excellent and completly different than anything I have read before. I hadn't expected the death of Tonks though, it took me by surprise. Your story has everything that it needs to keep the reader interested: mystery, suspense, high quality narration, action etc. It's one of the finest pieces of fanfics that has come out in recent times. I have no suggestions, advices or criticism to give for this story, from my point of view it's about as perfect as it could get. I have a few questions though. Dumbledore is aware that Wormtail was the secret keeper of the Potter's and then Tonks mentions that Sirius is imprisoned. Why has Dumbledore not sought Sirius' release? Harry creates a Horcrux at the end of this chapter. Was it his soul that split or was it the soul contained within the ring Horcrux that split? Now for the mandatory question 'When are you going to update?' Do update soon. And keep up the excellent work.

Author reply
Thanks for the very kind words and the in-depth review, being the first long review I've ever received. Well, it was my attempt to explain how in Cos and OotP the Ministry was able to tell Harry was using magic, without any DH intrusions. It also fits into the Ministry attempting to control every aspect of the Wizarding World. I'm glad you liked it. I put a lot of time into the action in the prologue, so I'm glad you liked it. To me, since canon events are already known, it's usually a good idea for a fan-fiction writer to create their own mysteries, since almost all plot tension is derived from the unknown. Whoops, I screwed up. Thanks for the catch. I've since changed it to Sirius Black, instead of Wormtail. Sirius is in Azkaban. While his actions have cast doubt upon his guilt, not enough doubt for Dumbledore to break Sirius out of prison. The ring Horcrux, controlling Harry, split itself. So now the ring fragment is in two pieces. Harry's remains whole. I don't know when I'm going to update. I've hit a brick wall trying to outline the next chapter, since one scene requires that I give the reader a huge amount of information, so I'm struggling to figure out how to convey it correctly. That being said, getting an actual lengthy review has inspired me. I'll start writing out one of the scenes I do have outlined right now. My guess is the next chapter won't be done until mid-May, but take that with a grain of salt. Thanks again for the kind words, they serve to inspire me to write as opposed to playing video games.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 2 from loatroll on April 10, 2009

Aw poor Tonksie. Good work so far.

Author reply
Thanks for the review.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 2 from Jeram on March 31, 2009

Interesting. I'll be keeping an eye on this one.

Author reply
Glad to see it caught your interest.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 2 from silverlasso on March 29, 2009

Holy shit; Harry's dead (well, his soul at least)! Everything makes so much more sense now. I can't wait for more...

Author reply
Ha, I'm glad I've piqued your interest. I'm going to clear up a lot of the mystery surrounding Harry next chapter, so keep an eye out. Thanks for the review.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 2 from animekingmike on March 29, 2009

Well, its interesting...

Author reply
Thanks.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 2 from darklordmike on March 29, 2009

Another enthralling chapter; the brutal end to Tonks caught me off guard and was very well done. Plenty of mysteries to penetrate here, so I'll hold off asking questions until we get more information.

Author reply
Thanks for the review. I'm glad Tonks' end caught you off guard, which is exactly what I intended. I did raise a lot of questions. You'll get a decent amount of answers next chapter.

Review for Sitra Ahra Chapter 1 from darklordmike on March 29, 2009

Excellent first chapter; it may not have "broken new ground," as you say, but it is the most vivid re-imagining of the Godric's Hollow fight I've seen. Very good action, although the ease with which they employed transfiguration in battle was a little curious. I've never considered it before, but why would a transfigured animal "explode in gore" when destroyed? Wouldn't it revert back to something like its original state?

Author reply
Thanks for the kind words. I knew from the start that the prologue wasn't going to break much new ground, aside from the ending, so I figured I'd catch people's attention with a long fight scene. I think it worked pretty well. Most wizards won't be able to use Transfiguration with such ease, but the two characters that do use it are among the few. In canon, James' wand is described as being well-suited to Transfiguration. With this in mind, and considering how he's mentioned as being a powerful wizard in his own right, I can see him being very proficient at Transfiguration. Voldemort wields the art with ease during his fight with Dumbledore in the Department of Mysteries. Since Transfiguration seems to be almost entirely based upon will, someone of Voldemort's immense power should be able to manipulate it with ease. I had never considered the question you brought up about objects returning to their original state. After giving it some thought, I don't think they would revert. For the animal to be functioning, it would need to have all the proper organs and such. So, when it does explode, it would occur just like that of a normal animal. I don't think it would revert, since in my mind, there's no magic involved after the process is complete. Magic induces the change, but the result doesn't need magic, except maybe if a mild compulsion is cast upon it. Thanks again for the review.