The Imposter
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by J.K. Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury, Scholastic, and Raincoast Books, and Warner Brothers Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. I do not own Harry Potter or anything related to Harry Potter.
Story notices
o - Summary
ONE-SHOT! Years after Voldemort's defeat, Harry's a pro Quiditch player and a playboy. In a pause of radio interview, something unexpected happens...
o - Pairings
No pairings.
o - Cannon
Books 1 to 5. No spoilers from HBP.
o - Rating
Mature - M - Swearing, sexual innuendo, non-explicit violence, death. Oh yes, this is really creepy, so don't read if you're easily scared / offended / disgusted.
o - Grammar warning
English is not my native tongue, so there will probably be some grammatical errors, although I'll try to weed out spelling errors.
>> And the last time-out for Puddlemore is over, Holyhead Harpies have a solid lead of 320 to 180. They're just a few points away from snitch-free zone. Puddlemore's chasers are definitely no match for Harpies and, once again, it's all up to Potter to save the day for his team. <<
Referee blew his whistle and players flew up. Harry Potter immediately started circling the field, looking for elusive snitch. His face was set in determined expression, which made the other seeker gulp with foreboding.
>> And there they go. Puddlemore leads the attack. Connelly, passes to Hutchison, who feints and throws back to Stevenson, who shoots and score! Puddlemore stays in the game, with 320 to 190. Quaffle's for Harpies. Morris leads the attack... <<
There it is, Harry finally saw it. He did it just a second before the other seeker, but that was more than enough. He dived after the golden reflection, his opponent cursing behind him.
>> And Potter's after the snitch. Oh, beaters Boyle and Gasole are after him but he dodges the Buldgers! Smith's following but he's already falling behind. Potter's closer! He's almost there! Sweet Merlin, he got it! Once again Potter wins the match and the title for United! <<
Harry was circling the field, showing the captured snitch to the audience. All the fans were growing wild, cheering for their hero. Even the Harpies' supporters were applauding to Harry's expert catch. The other players were landing down, Puddlemore celebrating and Harpies sulking, throwing their seeker murderous looks.
>> Oh, just look at Potter, he's such a crowd riser! How can you not love him? <<
The crowd cheered again as Harry landed and was immediately carried away by his teammates.
>> Well folks, that's all Quiditch for tonight. Such a splendid game it was to end the season. Let's give a big applause to the new champions, Puddlemore United!... and another applause for the Holyhead Harpies!... they were close folk, we have to give them that... <<
Harry tuned out the announcer as he was carried out of the field, followed closely by groupies and reporters.
"Quiet people!", Puddlemore captain, Mark Connelly yelled in the locker room, shutting the celebrating players up.
"We played good tonight!... We fought!... We bled!... We conquered!" All the players were cheering at his words.
"We are the champions!", he yelled and raised the golden cup for everyone to see. The whole team cheered and Mark had to fire sparks to shut them up again.
"But none of this would have happened if it weren't for our inspiration... our hope... our hero... our seeker..." The crowd was cheering each word louder and louder.
"OK, OK, I get the gist", said Harry, taking the stage.
"Spoilsport", pouted Mark, amidst the laughter.
"Speech! Speech!", everyone was yelling. Harry raised his hands and quieted them down.
"OK people, I may have caught the snitch tonight but we wouldn't have been here, celebrating, if there weren't for the effort of each and every player of this team. We all worked together, sweat together and bled together. Tonight, we reap fruits of our labor! We celebrate together!" The crowd cheered even louder, captivated by Harry's words.
"This title was not won by Harry Potter or the Boy-Who-Lived or Defeater-Of-Voldemort or any of that crap."
"Easy for you to say, some of us don't have 20 titles along with our names", someone yelled from the crowd, making the whole room, including Harry laugh.
Harry raised hand and there was silence again. "This title was won by this whole team as a collective. Each of you should remember this day and cherish it. Because, this was the day when YOU triumphed, not Harry Potter, not Puddlemore, but YOU. YOU worked hard and proved that YOU are the best that Kingdom has to offer at the moment. You should never forget that. For US!", he raised his champagne in salute.
"For US", the room chorused.
"Cheers", Harry said and drank the champagne. There was applause at his toast but many remained pensive, thinking about his words. Many felt unity with their teammates even stronger now, after Harry's little speech. Unlike most, Harry had an uncanny ability to move people and motivate them to become better persons. He was not an ordinary crowd-riser too. Harry was simply a natural born leader. He was not the captain of the team just because he was a seeker, although he was offered the position once, a feat unheard for his position.
Harry stepped down from the podium and headed for the door.
"Hey Harry", one of the players yelled. "Where are you going?"
"Who are you going with?", someone added.
"With HOW MANY are you going?", someone piped in amongst the laughter.
"Wow, easy there guys, it's not like that.", Harry said defensively from the door.
"I'll believe that when I see it, Mr. Sex-Machine", one of the female players piped in.
"If you wanna see it, Maria, get in the fucking line", yelled a male player from the crowd, making his mates laugh.
"How would you know that, Nick?", asked him one of his mates jokingly. "Maybe you are in this line too?"
"Jealous much, Steve?", replied 'Nick' bitingly. "At least Harry would have me in his line. I don't think anyone could stand to even look at that fat, pimpled butt of yours, least of all..."
"Wow! Wow, people, I'm right here and I can hear you, you know!", Harry interrupted Nick before he had said too much. "Now, this is getting really creepy. Steve is definitely not in my line..."
"See, I told you", said Nick to Steve.
"...Nick is also most definitely not in the line..."
Steve stuck his tongue at Nick, who pouted.
"...Maria is not in the line... although if she really wants to see it, something could be arranged..."
"In your dreams, buster", Maria replied angrily.
"Every night, honey, every night", Harry winked at her, making her blush. "Anyway, as I was saying, Maria's not in the line, Santa Claus is not in the line, nobody is in the line, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS LINE! Ok?"
"Sure mate... so, you never told us who's the lucky lady tonight?", asked Mark, the captain.
"And who's her husband?", piped in another.
"AS I WAS SAYING, there's no girl tonight...", said Harry forcefully, followed by chorus of disappointed aww's.
"No girl? He started doing guys?", asked Nick hopefully.
"... I'm just giving an interview for the wireless", Harry finished, ignoring the interruptions.
"An interview? You're ditching our party for a lousy interview?", asked Mark incredulously.
"Sorry, cap, it's prearranged since forever. You know how it is, the agent overextends himself, favor for favor, the contract is signed and here I am... stuck with some lousy reporter when I could spend some quality time with fine ladies and gentlemen such as yourself."
"Nice save", somebody murmured from the crowd.
"Anyway, that's how I ended up with a stupid interview and my agent ended up getting fired. Sorry guys, I just can't ditch this one out."
"It's OK Harry, have fun."
"I'm sure I will", Harry mumbled and left the room.
"Welcome, welcome to another episode of "Chet's Chit Chat". I'm your host for the evening, Chet Mendoza, and boy, do I have a treat for you tonight. Coming straight from Puddlemore's victory party, the hero of the evening, and all the other evenings it seems, the one and only, Harry Potter."
"Hi, Chet, it's good to be here."
"So Harry, may I call you Harry? How do you feel after your tight victory tonight?"
"I feel good, the whole team's feeling great. We all worked hard for that title and we damn well deserved it."
"Oh, come on Harry, we all know that you won the game for Puddlemore, no need to be shy."
"I would have to disagree there, Chet. The whole team worked hard and earned this victory. I may have been lucky tonight to catch the snitch, but my teammates held the other team at bay long enough to give me that chance."
"Always the reluctant hero, I see. I remember you saying the same thing after you defeated Voldemort."
"And that's still very true. I may have stricken the fatal blow but many others have given their lives to rid the world from that monster - Almost the whole Weasley family, Hermione Granger, Longbottom family, Remus Lupin..."
While he was speaking, young assistant brought Harry a butterbear. He absentmindedly scanned it with variety of poison-revealer charms and then opened it.
"... and many, many others. I just did my part, like everyone else, and somehow managed to stay alive to tell the tale", Harry finished and sipped the butterbear, savoring it's taste.
"Well you are the Boy-Who-Lived", Chet smiled.
"More like a man now."
"But seriously, it must have been hard loosing all the friends you ever had in that war."
"Yes Chet, but I got over it. People die, it's just how it is. You know what they say, 'nobody ever survived the life'."
"And of course, you had a variety of nice, young ladies to help you deal with the pain."
Harry smirked and sipped his butterbear. "No comment."
"Ok, ok, I get it, no personal stuff. Let's move then to another old, war-time friend of yours, that had just recently been murdered..."
"Dumbledore wasn't my friend."
"So the rumors were true. You've had a spat."
"No, we never were friends. That's a common misconception. We respected each other and worked together by the end of the war, but I've never forgiven the old man for manipulating me when I was a kid."
"This animosity was rather one sided, wasn't it?"
"Yes. Albus was always trying to make peace and become my mentor again." Harry snorted. "But in my eyes, he always remained a conceited, old coot. Yes, he was a great wizard in his time, the leader of the Light and all that crap, but power is not replacement for character."
"How do you comment allegations that you were somehow connected with his murder? Witnesses do claim that they saw a man matching your description, leaving Dumbledore's mansion just minutes before his body was found. Not to mention that the killer had to be Dumbledore's friend, since it seems that the old man had willingly let him into the house."
"That's ridiculous. If I wanted to kill Dumbledore, I would have challenged him to a duel. I certainly wouldn't have stabbed him in the back, like some common tug."
"Yes, his death did remind us all of our own mortality. I mean, if great Albus Dumbledore can be killed that easily, how safe is the rest of us? Especially someone like you, with so many enemies after your head."
"I intend to live a very long life, thank you very much. Dumbledore was old and he slipped. I'm not going to make the same mistake."
God damn, not now. I haven't even drank that much, Harry thought, trying to hold his bladder. He gave 'T' signal to the host who nodded.
"Well, you are the Man-Who-Lived, you'll just have to live up to your name, right?" They both laughed forcefully at the old, overused joke.
"Alright folks, will make a little break now and you get to hear a new song by Dragon Riders, called "You are my Dark Lord". Stay tuned, we'll be right back."
The song started and magical microphones were off.
"I hope you're not planning on ditching me, Harry?"
"No, no, I just have to go to the loo. Excuse me", he said and left the studio.
Harry was done with his business and was just washing his hands when someone walked into the restroom and locked the door behind him. Harry turned around to see who it was and almost had a heart attack. It was himself! The man looked like an exact clone of Harry - same build, same messy hair, same emerald green eyes. He even had the same light-bold shaped scar on his forehead. Harry gapped at the man, squeezing his wand in his pocket.
"Surprised much?", asked the man with an amused smirk. Even his voice was the same.
"Who... who are you?", Harry managed to stutter.
"Why, I'm your brother of course, twin to be precise", he said in mater-of-fact tone, like meeting your long lost brother was the most normal thing in the world.
"My... my brother? I don't have a brother", Harry said suspiciously.
"Sure you do, you just don't know about it."
"You're lying!", Harry snarled, drawing his wand.
"Am I? Well, here's the proof", the man said, then retrieved official looking parchment from his robes and handed it over to Harry.
Harry snatched the paper and inspected it, still holding the other man at wand-point. What he saw made him hold his breath and start trembling. It was true! The official St. Mungo's seal couldn't be forged. The parchment said:
No. of file: 3671822
Name: Valentino Cain Potter
Date of birth: 1st of August, 1980
Time of birth: 00:37 AM
Birth father: James Aaron Potter
Birth mother: Lilly Evans Potter
Note: Has one hour older twin brother (Harold James Potter, file no. 3671821)
Harry was staring at the parchment dumbly for several minutes, trying to grasp the concept that he had a twin brother. Then he saw the date of his birth and clenched his fists, rumpling the parchment he was still holding.
Thirty seven minutes! Thirsty seven fucking minutes and his brother was saved from being the Boy-Who-Lived!
"Hey, easy there bro, you'll tear up the certificate. I've spent a lot of time looking for it", the other man said.
"Oh, sorry", Harry said meekly and returned the parchment to his... brother?
"No worries", chirped 'Valentino', then took the Zippo lighter from his pocket and set the parchment on fire. He smirked when he saw Harry's horrified expression.
"Hey, what are you doing, that's the original!", he yelled.
"Don't sweat it, big bro, I won't be needing it anymore."
"Ok, whatever you say", Harry gave him dubious look and pulled back his wand. On the inside, he was bubbling with excitement. He had a brother! After the war, he was so afraid of getting close to someone again, but now he had a real family!
"So, where have you been all these years?", asked Harry.
Valentino's expression immediately darkened.
"Me? Well, in the Happy Meadow orphanage, of course. And then working as a janitor all over the Muggle world. You don't get much education without a trust-fund or connections, you know."
"In an orphanage? No trust-fund? But I don't understand. How come you haven't attended Hogwarts?"
Valentino's expression became even darker, almost sinister.
"Why, I've never got my letter, of course. Only those with invitations gets to go to oh-so-wonderful Hoggy-Warty-Hogwarts. You're a big boy, you should know that", he said in a sing-song voice.
"So, there was some mistake?", asked Harry, concerned by his brother's erratic mood.
"Oh no mistake, brother dear."
"How come? I don't understand."
Valentino shook his head sadly and started evenly.
"You ever saw that movie "Twins", with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Denny De Vito? Oh, what am I saying, you wizards are above such earthly things as movies. Well, the movie was crap anyway, but it described a situation similar to our own. You see, when we were divided from zygote, you took more than just your share of the loot, so to say. In the movie, one brother took all the strength and smarts and look, leaving the other... well, you saw Danny Da Vito, right. In our case, we stayed the same physically, but divided our magic unevenly. Thus, here we have Harry 'the Saint' Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, Defeater-Of-Voldemort, the most powerful wizard since the founders, ten times in a row the most eligible bachelor by the choice of Witch Weekly and Quiditch star extraordinaire. All that power had to come from somewhere, brother dear!" Harry lowered his eyes, finally understanding what his brother was saying.
"That's right, wonder-boy! You get your 'power he knows not' and get to strut around pompously, playing the fucking Merlin, while I'm left A FUCKING SQUIB!", Valentino yelled bitterly.
"Sorry son, nothing left for you here. It seems that your brother took it all", Valentino said, changing his voice to a God-like baritone. "Oh, but don't worry son, you get to spend 17 years in an orphanage, getting your ass kicked, and then shovel shit for the rest of your life! You'll even get pension, if you don't kill yourself before you're 65. And then you get to spend your remaining few years thinking about... oh wait, that's right! There were no such thing as 'good ol' days'! Don't forget your coupons and fucking free bus pass! SINCE YOU CAN'T WAVE YOUR FUCKING WAND FOR EVERYTHING, YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO OVEREXTEND YOUR BUDGET!", Valentino finished his rant, spitting saliva left and right, with an almost crazed expression on his face.
Harry was feeling downhearted. His brother was jealous of him! It was like Ron all over again. Well, Harry's life was never a picnic, but it seemed that his brother had suffered even more. Harry vowed that he would help his baby brother and protect him in the future. He finally had a family and nothing was gonna change that.
"How come you haven't contacted me sooner? I could have helped you", Harry asked meekly.
Valentino shrugged. "For the same reason you haven't contacted me. I was living in the Muggle world and had no idea that Wizarding world even existed. Until a few years ago, that is."
"But that's impossible. You look exactly the same as me. Someone would have recognized you sooner."
"Oh, but I wasn't looking like this all my life, big bro. You see, five years ago, I had a blond hair and blue eyes. Then one day, I was walking home from work, minding my own business, when I suddenly found myself in a middle of a duel between Aurors and few remaining Death Eaters. Death Eater disillusioned himself. Auror fired revealer charm at him. He missed him. He hit me. Imagine my surprise when the glamour was dispelled and all the Aurors started cheering, happy that their savior, Harry Potter was there."
Harry allowed himself a smile, imagining that scene.
"So, to cut the long story short, I somehow stumbled my way out of that mess and learned about the existence of Wizarding world. And, of course, I learned of the existence of my famous, rich and powerful twin brother."
Harry lowered his head again at his brother's bitter words. Oh, how he wished that things had turned out differently. But then he remembered something.
"Wait, you were under a glamour charm your whole life? But who cast it on you?"
"Oh, I guess the same person who brought me to the orphanage, who gave the caretakers a fake surname, a 'Lemonson' at that, who made sure I never found out about my true heritage..."
"Dumbledore", said Harry through clenched teeth. "It could have only been Dumbledore. Even from the grave, the old coot's managing to ruin my life."
"Yea, well, I guess he didn't want his weapon distracted from saving the world. He wanted all your affection for himself, so that he could control you more easily. He had probably Oblivated Black and Lupin about my existence, since they were the only ones that could have known about me, besides him", Valentino theorized lightly.
"That fucking bastard. I can't believe I even considered forgiving him for all he had done", Harry growled.
"Indeed he was a bastard. But I guess he had finally gotten what he deserved", said Valentino dryly.
Harry gave his brother a suspicious stare but remained silent. He would have to investigate that statement later. After several more seconds of contemplative silence, Harry said: "Look, Valentino, can we meet later? I have to go back..."
"Oh, I'm not Valentino", he said lightly.
Harry frowned. "Yes you are, you said it yourself."
"No I didn't."
Harry thought about their conversation and realized that his brother truly never introduced himself.
"Ok, but I saw it on your birth certificate."
"What birth certificate?", asked Valentino innocently, amusement in his emerald eyes.
Harry growled. Stupid prat had just burned his certificate.
"Come on, Valentino, I don't have time for this. I have to go back to the studio", said Harry irritably.
"But I told you, bro, I'm not Valentino. Valentino Lemonson disappeared several months ago and is presumed dead by Muggle authorities."
Harry was now getting really confused and irritated by his brother's crazy behavior.
"Ok, I get it, you are not Valentino. Then who the fuck are you, huh?", Harry growled irritated.
"Why, Harry Potter, of course."
It all happened in a blink of an eye. Valentino pulled a small dart gun from his hand holster and fired. Harry was, of course, no pushover. He quickly whipped out his wand and soundlessly cast the fastest shield charm he knew. Shield formed just in time, but something went wrong. Where the shield should have been shining brightly, it barely glittered in the air. Harry's eyes widened marginally. He detected the effects of a magical blocking potion. He pushed with all his might and immediately broke the barrier, but it was already too late. His shield flashed with brilliant light just after the dart went through it and hit him in the torso.
Harry lowered his shield and quickly pulled the dart out, but he knew it was already too late. He lifted his wand and tried to shout "Stupefy", but his throat was getting too numb to form sentences. He tried with silent incantation, but the wand had fallen from his stiff hand.
"No use fighting it, bro", said Valentino. "That's a top-notch mix I gave you there. Don't worry, paralysis is only the first step."
Harry saw himself falling to the floor, but never felt anything, his mind completely disconnected from the rest of his body. In a desperate attempt he tried some wandless magic, but his mind was getting foggy and numb.
"Oh, did I mention there are some mind-numbing drugs in there too? Must have slipped my mind", Valentino mused.
Harry tried again but he simply wasn't able to generate enough emotions, even for a simplest spell. He knew that he was helpless and settled on just glaring at his traitorous brother.
That bastard had planned this perfectly, Harry though viciously. The butterbear laced with blocking potion... and something else, to make me go to the loo. He destroyed every scarp of info about himself... Nobody alive knows that he even exists. He even has a fake scar on his forehead. Shit, I should have noticed that detail before. What was I thinking? He's now free to take my place and nobody would ever notice! Even if someone suspect him of being an imposter, he would only have to take the Parentage potion and it would show that Lilly and James Potter were indeed his parents. It would even show the same age as mine! And nobody could prove a thing against him!
"You know", said Valentino conversationally, wile unfastening Harry's left boot. "I never liked that name, 'Valentino'. I mean who would name their child like that", he said while pulling the shoelace viciously.
"Back in the orphanage, all the kids would tease me and laugh at me because of that name. Which was OK by me, really, as long as they didn't beat me... Which they did, by the way", he said and pulled Harry's boot off his leg. "But that's besides the point", he added.
"But what they liked to do the most", Valentino said in conversational tone, as he moved to Harry's other boot. "was making me dance for them, you know, like that fucking actor from the twenties, my namesake." He pulled the lace viciously at that thought. "I did it, of course. I had a pretty good motivation, cause they would throw rocks at me if I slowed down. Oh, they could have me dancing for hours at time, laughing and pointing and staring and throwing things at me... Not to mention beating me later on, as a 'reward for splendid performance'. Man, I FUCKING HATE DANCING!" He pulled Harry's other boot off viciously, as if to emphasize his words.
"You know, when I first heard about you and found out that you were rich... and famous... and powerful..." Valentino was unbuttoning slit on Harry's trousers, button for each word. "...you know what was the first thing I thought?" He leaned closer. "Shit, even his name is cool."
"I mean, you already took everything, right?", Valentino asked, as he was pulling off Harry's pants. "Why the fuck couldn't I at least get a good name!? Like Michael? Or Steven? Or anything but the fucking 'Valentino Lemonson', the faggot king and the winner of the 'lamest name in the Universe' award!?", he snarled.
"But then I thought, why the fuck not?", he said, as he was taking off Harry's robes. "I mean you had it all going out for you, for like over 20 years, right? Fame, money, power, respect." Valentino threw the robes with the rest of Harry's clothes on the floor and snarled into Harry's face: "It's my turn now!"
You damn fool, Harry thought. I would have given you anything you wanted. You only had to ask.
But even in his unfavorable position, Harry understood his brother's reasoning. After all, it was the same reasoning he had for a long time. Valentino grew up in environment where nothing was free. For his whole life, Valentino had to fight for everything he ever wanted. He learned early on that, in order to survive, one had to stab in the back and never look back. And with his obvious thirst for power, his ambition to succeed, to become somebody, it's no wonder he decided to try something as desperate as this. Harry was interrupted from his musings when his heart gave a sudden lurch.
"You should feel the poison starting to affect you", said Valentino calmly. "It'll only be a few more minutes now."
Harry's eyes widened in fear. This can't be it! I can't die now, not like this! Not when I had finally found family, he thought desperately.
"I know what you're thinking", said his brother, wile taking off his clothes. "You're thinking, how could you end up like this? How could a Squib like me take down someone as powerful as you?" Valentino shrugged, throwing his pants on the floor. "Well big bro, good planning is everything, right? I have been watching you for years now, analyzing you, studying you. I have planned this switch to the last detail. I know exactly how you think, how you act, what are you capable of. Even with all your magical power, you actually never stood a chance against such invisible opponent. You were like a fly in a spider web", he said smugly.
Valentino suddenly looked Harry straight in the eyes. "You've actually put up a pretty good fight, I'll give you that. If I haven't laced your drink with that magical-blocking potion, that shield would have gotten me for sure. Bravo, bro, I knew you had it in you", he said while mock-applauding.
"You certainly did better that your dear old mentor, Dumbledore. That old fool never knew what hit him", Valentino mused.
Harry's eyes widened in shock, making his brother laugh. "Oh, come on now, bro, you must have figured out by now that it was me who killed that bastard. He was actually ridiculously easy to take down. All I had to do was pretend to be his ickle 'ittle Havvy-boy." Valentino snickered evilly. "The old coot was so desperate to make peace with you, that he never even followed any of his own standard security precautions. You should have seen the look on his face when I stuck a knife in his back, while 'hugging him in forgiveness'." Valentino snorted and shook his head. "That old fool was always much too trusting for his own good... Now, where was I? Ah, yes."
Valentino took Harry's trousers from the floor and started putting them on. "You know", he said conversationally, "I think I'm gonna really enjoy being you. You were always much too conservative for my taste. I mean, what's the point of having money, if you don't enjoy yourself by spending it? What's the purpose of being famous if you don't use your fame to get chicks and bend the rules in your favor?" He shrugged. "Of course, I'll have to retire from the Quiditch team and all those other organizations you are a member of. I mean, I can't actually fight evil and be a Quiditch star without magic now, can I?" He finished tying shoelaces and tried out his new boots by walking around the room.
"Perfect fit", he nodded approvingly and then continued with his daydreaming.
"I think I'll retire to one of those tropical islands you own. I heard there are hordes of local senoritas on each one of them, just itching to try out some of that famous Harry Potter nectar", he said, wile wriggling his crouch seductively. "Oh, and there are all those girlfriends of yours, just waiting for you... well, actually waiting for me to please them... Man, I can't wait to try them all out. It'll be like a... sexual pilgrimage. Harry Potter, 'shagging around the globe' world tour! I might even make it into an annual event!", he finished, laughing gleefully at his plans, while trying out Harry's expensive robes. "Nice grab, bro! Dragon leather, huh? Good thing I didn't try to hex you", he snorted.
Harry tried to make a hateful glare but his eyelids were getting too heavy. He was hardly keeping his eyes open. His brother saw that and stopped with his gleeful celebration.
"It won't be long now", he mused aloud.
Valentino then walked up to Harry and crouched before him, serious expression on his face. "I just wanted to thank you for giving me this... opportunity at having a great life. I know you worked hard for everything you own and deserve every knut of it. Really, I could have never became what I am today, if there weren't for your hard work and sacrifices. For that, you have my most humble gratitude", Valentino said sincerely. He remained pensive for a few moments before the corners of his lips started twitching. After a few seconds he couldn't hold it any longer and burst out laughing. "Oh man, I am evil", he snickered after a minute of laughter, wiping tears from his eyes. "Oh, I should really visit a shrink", he said to himself, after somewhat calming down.
"But for real now", he said seriously to Harry, "I promise I won't ruin your name. Before I die, I'll leave a letter, explaining everything that happened here today. That's the least I could do for you."
Harry's vision was already getting foggy. He could hear someone speaking, but his drowsy brain wasn't able to distinguish words and sentences any more. Last thing Harry Potter saw were so familiar emerald green eyes of his traitorous brother. For a second, he could have sworn that they shone with compassion and regret. But when he blinked and looked at them again, they were set into familiar shards of emerald glass, radiating with purpose and determination. Oh, I must have just imagined it, Harry Potter thought drowsily. Then, he knew no more.
"Good bye, big bro", whispered Valentino almost sadly and closed eyelids over his brother's dead eyes.
After closing eyelids over his brother's dead eyes, Harry Potter stood up an looked pensively at the body laying before him. "Harry Potter", he tasted the words in his mouth. After all his planning and scheming to murder the man carrying that name, it was rather strange thinking of himself as that man. He shrugged, trying to dispel the creepy feeling. He was sure he would get used to it eventually.
Harry than carefully examined his clothes. It wouldn't do make a fool of himself by not knowing in which pocket he was carrying which item. He picked up dispelled wand from the floor and put it into the wand holster on his arm. It was completely useless to him, but his brother had always carried his wand there. He then checked himself in the mirror, trying to find anything amiss with his new look. No, everything was perfect - he WAS Harry Potter.
Satisfied with results, Harry gathered his old clothes from the floor and threw them on top of the body. Then, he pulled out a wand that looked exactly the same as his brother's old wand. The only difference was that this was so called self-spelling wand, capable of firing a few pre-set spells, before it magical reserves ran out. Squibs often used wands like this to do minor spells in everyday life and gain access to magical enclaves. Some even used them to make an illusion of being ordinary wizards, which was exactly what Harry intended to do. As long as he stayed out of the way, he figured that his Squib status could be hidden for years to come. Of course, someone would notice sooner or latter that the great Harry Potter wasn't casting any powerful spells anymore. For that case, he had already prepared heartwarming speech about magical accident that had left the great wizard almost a Squib. Still, his influence in society would drop after such revelation, which was why he would avoid it as long as he can.
Harry once again inspected his fake wand. It was truly remarkable custom job, done in the Knockturn Alley. Only another wand-maker would be able to tell the difference between this one and Harry Potter's famous oak wand. It's great capacity and likeness to the well-known celebrity wand had cost a good penny, but it was definitely worth it. After all, his comfort depended on it.
Harry pointed the wand at the corpse and said "Transform!". The body of Harry's brother, along with clothes spewed over it, transformed into an ordinary looking quill. Harry picked up the quill, placed it in his pocked and activated stopwatch function on his digital wristwatch. Little digits started countdown from 1 hour. The wizard that had charged the wand with this spell swore on his mother's grave that the transfiguration would hold for more than two hours, but Harry decided to give it a wide berth. No need risking everything now that his plan was almost completed.
Harry once again checked the restroom and nodded in satisfaction. It looked like nothing had ever happened inside it. Harry left the loo and closed the door behind him. He removed the "CLOSED FOR MAINTAINCE" sign he had placed on the door earlier and started walking back towards the studio, lost in thoughts.
Harry would have to announce his retirement from professional Quiditch, and he might as well do it tonight. He would also hint his retirement from his various other social functions, due to... medical reasons. Yes, it's perfect. It would give him an alibi for when the public finally discovered his inability to do magic. After dropping a few bomb shells during the show, Harry would promptly end the interview and leave for the Muggle world to complete his plan.
Tomorrow morning, the police would find mutilated body of one Valentino Lemonson, unemployed janitor, that had disappeared without a trace several months ago. His fingertips will be cut off, but the ID card in his pocket and testimonies of his few remaining friends would be enough to positively identify the body. The funeral of Valentino Lemonson would be a quiet affair. There would be no service or flowers, just a few acquaintances and a grave on a public cemetery, the courtesy of the Queen. Without family or friends pressuring the police, nobody would try too hard to find Valentino's murderer. He would end up as just another unsolved case, forgotten amongst the heaps of others.
On the other end of the world, Harry Potter would be touring his many properties, enjoying his new, perfect life.
Author notes
January 2008: An oldie for sure. In the meantime, some things were smoothed over and grammar corrected, but it remained pretty much the same as when I first posted it, two years ago.