Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 2 from dimriver on April 11, 2009

I just wanted to say I really like the idea of Dumbledore plotting Harry's death to make Voldemort vulnerable. I've thought about how hopeless it would seem to someone after they heard a prophecy that their savior wasn't even born yet, but not intentionally killing him off so that someone else could try.

Author reply
Thanks! I tried hard to make Dumbledore's motives realistic. I'm not really happy with the execution of the second chapter--the interior monologue was clumsy--but I still really like the idea of him pursuing cold-blooded murder for 'noble' purposes. Thanks for reading.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 11 from Voice of the Nephilim on April 08, 2009

Fairly amusing glamour. Dinesh really is testing him. Tonks seems to be fairly competent in this story. While you had set it up before hand, it's neat to see Amelia have such a large role. I don't think I've seen a story before where she's been a pivotal character. Harry certainly understands all he needs to about goblins. Given their disposition towards greed, however, I would expect the goblins to sell this information to Dumbledore. I'm curious to see what the items Harry withdrew from his vault contained. Well done.

Author reply
Thanks for the kind words. Tonks will be fairly competent in the story, even if she retains her goofball attitude. She wouldn't be Tonks without it. I've seen other stories where Amelia has a role, but she's usually portrayed as a super!Auror who can snap her fingers and make everything okay. She'll continue to be important, but I want her role to be realistic. The goblin scene was fun to write. I'm tired of seeing stories where the greedy little bastards are portrayed as Harry's most helpful and powerful allies. JKR got that much right at least. By the way, the names 'Drecksack' and 'Bumchod' weren't chosen randomly--they're curse words in German and Hindi, respectively. More on what was in Harry's vault next chapter, which is coming soon. Thanks again for reading and reviewing so consistently.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 11 from whatareyouevensaying on April 08, 2009

Big update...very big. I figured it'd be too much to ask for to have Dumbledore arrested, but I'm really excited for him to finally be confronted by someone. Looking forward to more.

Author reply
Thanks. The next update will be very big too. It's mostly done, and will be ready in a day or two. Alas, Dumbledore won't be seeing the inside of Azkaban anytime soon. He's too important to the coming war. But I sympathize with your desire to see him there. He's still got some skeletons in his closet that have yet to be revealed.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 11 from BJH on April 08, 2009

Nice chapter. You did a good job of bring Harry some allies but still keeping the situation tenuous for him. I like Tonks shame at being caught with one foot in two different boats. So, if Croaker, an Unspeakable, is on Harry's side than could he possibly know or find out about the Prophesy? Revealing that to the world wouldn't necessarily bring a confrontation with Fudge but would expose Dumbledore, but what would Voldemort's reaction be? Personally I've always thought the Prophesy was all a red herring on dumbledore's part since it didn't say anything that Voldemort hadn't already assumed. BJH

Author reply
Thanks. Harry's situation will continue to be tenuous for a little while, but never fear...he WILL become a fearsome opponent for LV and Dumbledore. The situation with the prophecy will become clearer next chapter during the confrontation. Thanks again for reading.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 10 from Rain on April 07, 2009

Thank you for dropping the "ss's", it made a bigger difference than I thought it would. Good work, and nice suspense going on. I'm anxiously awaiting more! Thank you. =)

Author reply
Thanks! I'm trying to keep the tension ratcheted up. Next chapter is up.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 10 from Jeram on April 05, 2009

I liked this update - although the Molly as Harry idea? Positively bizarre - although I'd love to see it.

Author reply
Thanks for the review. I thought it was a pretty creepy idea too. Might make for an interesting one-shot if done by an author who's good at the squicky stuff.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 10 from Voice of the Nephilim on April 04, 2009

Compared to your own update rate, I'm embarrassed by my own. I may be mistaken, but I was fairly certain that a Polyjuiced person has the same exact vocal chords of the person being used, they'll just retain their own verbal cadences. Dumbledore's plan was surprisingly simple, but I don't think it would have worked. Voldemort most likely would have wanted to make a spectacle of Potter's death. While I expected it would take more than what occurred to get Hermione to go along with Dumbledore, one does have to keep in mind the implicit trust that a younger child would most likely have of Dumbledore. Perhaps he even used a mild compulsion. Ha, Dinesh isn't exactly a philanthropist. I wonder if Dinesh is trying to get a measure of Harry, deciding how much he truly wants to help him out, and to what degree. It's too bad Harry never discovered Sirius was innocent. Grimmauld place would have made a fine hideout. Voldemort seemed to act with far more rationality in this chapter. Someone who could inspire enough fear to keep his Death Eaters loyal. That's a good thing. Wait, why does Tonks refer to Harry as a fugitive? The only thing he's apparently done wrong is leave Hogwarts. I'm under the impression that's not a crime worthy of the DMLE's notice. A fine chapter. I eagerly await the next.

Author reply
Thanks for the thorough review. Regarding polyjuice--yeah, I screwed that up. I looked back over book 2, and couldn't figure out where I got the idea that voices don't change. I eventually realized it came from the damn movie. Even so, we can just assume that Kingsley was talking about inflections and not vocal chords :) Dinesh was a fun character to write, and you're right about him trying to get the measure of Harry. More on Harry and Sirius coming soon... And Harry, of course, isn't a true fugitive; just in Tonks' mind. Perhaps it was a misleading choice of words. Thanks for reading, and the next chapter is coming soon.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 10 from whatareyouevensaying on April 03, 2009

Thanks for losing the s's, I appreciate it. Voldemort's scenes flow better without. I enjoyed this update a great deal, though I expected Dinesh to be a bit more helpful. Still, given the circumstances, Harry can't really complain. I wonder if he could call Fawkes to escape from a trap...guess he wouldn't think to, given the Phoenix's owner. Looking forward to more.

Author reply
Thanks. The s's were really beginning to bug me too, so I just dropped them. Harry, perhaps stupidly on his part, hasn't really thought about seeking help from Fawkes. He's still feeling his way forward. More coming in a few days.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 9 from Voice of the Nephilim on April 01, 2009

Well, you didn't string out the confrontation with his former friends long, which is nice. Spectacular confrontation, even if he didn't really get the information he was looking for. I'm very fond of the storytelling method employed here, where answers beget questions, as in the oath being taken during the second year. A very fascinating tidbit. Methinks you're not too fond of the Ron character. Why would it be a problem for Dumbledore to leave the grounds, if finding Harry is so important? I don't know why you added in the bits about the ward. At 160 mph, it should have shredded him. Even if the ward was designed to just slow him, what was the point of it? Very well-done escape. Neat to see this story won't take place at Hogwarts, for the most part anyway. Well done.

Author reply
Thanks for the review. The escape was great fun to write. And my thoughts on Ron aren't very hard to intuit, are they? I'll keep him 3-dimensional here, but I'll admit to hating his character more than any other in canon. More on Dumbledore and the wards, etc. in the next chapter. Cheers.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 9 from Rain on April 01, 2009

woot! :D Nice action going on. I'm in between classes atm, so I don't have much time to write this, but great work. I didn't notice any errors and my interest didn't lull any. Thank you, and I look forward to reading more!

Author reply
Thanks Rain; next chapter coming in a couple days.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 9 from Kyle_Dodge1 on April 01, 2009

Up to a 3/5 just because something is actually happening besides harry getting his ass handed to him.

Author reply
Thanks. Harry will eventually figure out what's wrong with his magic and start handing others their asses

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 6 from Kyle_Dodge1 on April 01, 2009

I am so sick of the obvious fucking foreshadowing. "Little did Harry know..." You have good writing structure but terrible characterization. Are we supposed to like this pathetic Harry who is moody and lets people manipulate him at every turn? 2/5 so far, because I can barely stand to read it.

Author reply
Ah, my first ever flame. I feel like I should print it out and frame it. I don't really understand your complaint. This is a manipulative Dumbledore story, one in which Dumbledore is competent. Harry is getting manipulated, at this point, because it would be unrealistic for him to suddenly get super powers and burn everyone down. Would you prefer him to drop his pants and start shooting laser beams from his penis?

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 9 from vlad on March 31, 2009

I've been enjoying this story since the beginning. I had fears of cliche overload early on, but you've managed to take what is a rather overused concept, and made it fresh and your own. Props for that. In regards to this chapter, this is one of the most brilliant Harry escapes I've ever seen. Usually, they require either an absurdly overpowered Harry or an especially inept Dumbledore. Your method did neither, was interesting to watch pan out and kept with the realms of realism. Superb.

Author reply
Thanks for the encouragement. The whole genre of 'manipulative Dumbledore' is a cliche at this point, but I wanted to see if I could write a story that actually gave him plausible reasons for trying to get Harry killed. That forced me to start with a pretty conventional structure, but hopefully things will feel increasingly fresh from here on in. The escape scene was fun to write. Glad you liked it.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 9 from BJH on March 31, 2009

Nice chapter. I liked how harry, with the Patil's help, planned as well as he could but still was caught offguard. I am sort of curious as to why Harry seemed less angry with Hermione than with Ron? Did he expect more from Ron is was it just a guy thing? He seemed more dissappointed than furious with the girl. I also like the irony that it was the cloak, designed for concealment, than revealed Harry to his enemies. I wonder if the Hogwarts rumor mill will spread the truth about Ron and Hermione? And how will they be treated if it does? BJH

Author reply
Thanks; I tried not to make his escape too easy. He's just a kid playing a grown-up's game right now, but he'll be growing up in a hurry. The way I see things, Harry was still angry at Ron for abandoning him in fourth year, and what he learned recently certainly didn't help his cause. He expected more from Hermione, who had never abandoned him and clearly has some reservations about her participation in the whole thing. More next chapter on why she would 'betray' Harry. Cheers.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 9 from whatareyouevensaying on March 31, 2009

Excellent work with this update, though I do wish Harry had gotten some time with Ron's groin and a Beater's bat. Looking forward to more.

Author reply
Thanks for the kind review; Harry isn't done with Ron yet, so your wish still has a chance of coming true

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 9 from Jeram on March 30, 2009

Nice little chapter. I liked the idea of the glasses being tracked too. Original thought.

Author reply
Thanks!

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 8 from Jeram on March 30, 2009

A fun chapter. A bit fast at the end, I guess, but it works for me. Contrivances can be fun, too, so I'm on board with the Pail Ex Machina for now.

Author reply
Thanks for the review; the Patil Ex Machina is certainly a contrivance, but hopefully not a totally implausible one

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 9 from silverlasso on March 30, 2009

Wow...I didn't think Harry would jump ship so quickly. I was expecting him to hold out for a bit more. I suppose it makes some sense, though; staying in the castle probably wouldn't be the smartest thing to do. Anyways, keep up the good work. I have no doubts that the next installment will be great.

Author reply
Thanks; I'll do my best to keep things moving. Next chapter in a few days.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 8 from Voice of the Nephilim on March 29, 2009

The identity of the eavesdroppers was not disappointed. A nice development. Harry's revelatory scene was well done. As was Ollivander's last moments. It seems like his only purpose was to show how incompetent Voldemort had become. Interesting idea, Harry going to hide at the Patil uncle's place. Well done. I look forward to the next chapter.

Author reply
Thanks! Next chapter coming soon.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 7 from Voice of the Nephilim on March 29, 2009

I share Ollivander's ridicule of Voldemort's new speech patterns. This seems to be a very incompetent Voldemort. He can't even see simple truths, such as torturing Ollivander is only delaying his plans. Why is anyone following him at this point? How did Dumbledore identify all of the Horcruxes? Some great friends Harry has. I'm curious as to what Dumbledore had to say to get them aboard the kamikaze train. Hopefully it was convincing. Well done on this chapter.

Author reply
Voldemort, as I've said, is truly insane in this story--not "eat your own feces" insane, but closer to "rabid animal" insane. I'll explain more about this later. His current followers have no choice but to obey him, as he is powerful and can track them through the Dark Mark. But he will have a hard time recruiting new blood, as Pettigrew notes. That means the coming war will be more complicated than just Harry v. Death Eaters, as you'll see. Thanks for reading.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 6 from Voice of the Nephilim on March 29, 2009

While the classroom scene was well-written, I think you botched Umbridge's character. We may have differing views, but I'm under the opinion that Umbridge always knew Harry wasn't lying, and the offer of Veritaserum weakened her stance hugely. I've always thought that Umbridge was the ultimate sycophant, the definition of a political hack. To her, it's immaterial whether he's right or not, what's important is supporting the politician she's aligned herself with, maintaining or expanding her power. Harry had a great solution to the blood quill. Very simple, begs the question why canon Harry didn't do it. I'm surprised that Harry hasn't made the connection that his friends don't have his best interests at heart. Granted, it's easier to see from the outside than within. Nice to see a Ginny that's not a scheming, diabolical wench. Wouldn't Rita's article violate the oath Hermione put her under? Unless that didn't happen in your time line. Oh, nevermind. You explained it, although I don't know why the Ministry would be able to revoke an oath. Ha, Dobby, that little kleptomaniac. Well done on this chapter.

Author reply
I'm assuming here that Umbridge doesn't know for certain that Harry is telling the truth; she has been told by Fudge to silence Harry, and thinks that threatening him with veritaserum will cow him. She's certainly a sycophant, but not (at this point) conspiring with Fudge to keep Voldemort's return a secret. Harry isn't thinking clearly with respect to his friends. He's under the influence of a potion, and he needs to believe that someone is on his side. With respect to Rita, I wasn't aware that Hermione put her under any oaths in canon. If I remember correctly, it was simple blackmail that kept her quiet. And I admit to having a soft spot for Dobby, even if a lot of people dislike seeing him in stories. I won't turn him into super!Dobby, but he'll be a presence in the rest of the story. Thanks for the review.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 5 from Voice of the Nephilim on March 29, 2009

Ha, nice confrontation with Malfoy. It probably would have been even more amusing had Harry sealed Malfoy's wand within one of the numerous secret passages the Marauder's Map provides knowledge of. I assume that Hermione looks terrible because she's not sleeping. I would attribute this to guilt. Dumbledore's duped her acting against Harry, but she still feels immense guilt about it. I guess Ron is also trying to pawn off his sister. Apart from a raid upon Malfoy Manor using Polyjuice, I don't know what's happening. Maybe he's convinced Ron and Hermione to take Polyjuice, bypassing wards that only work on fully matured wizards, 17 and older. Padma's declaration, I wasn't too fond of. Just seemed hugely unnatural. Well done on the chapter.

Author reply
Malfoy fils, to my mind, is a spoiled little ponce with few of his father's skills. He won't turn into a major adversary for Harry. Hermione, even though I like her character, is in for some very rough times ahead, and her motives will eventually be clear. So too will Dumbledore's plan with the polyjuice. Cheers.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 4 from Voice of the Nephilim on March 29, 2009

No ninjas? How disappointing. While you haven't given a reason for Harry's lack of magical power, I'm rather surprised that he hasn't at least considered that Dumbledore has placed some sort of block upon his magical core. I found your sadistic Molly amusing. The Weasley madam. I'm surprised Lucius has this degree of say with Voldemort. I assume you intend to make him far more competent than canon does. I like the setup for Pettigrew. I assume you have plans for him. We have similar ideas on Pettigrew, as you'll see as Sitra Ahra develops. Farewell Ollivander. Well done. A lot better story this has turned out than the first chapter suggested.

Author reply
Thanks for the review; I agree that the first chapter was too typical of other stories in this genre, but I wasn't sure where else to start things. Maybe I'll go back and revise the first chapter once the story is done. While Harry dislikes Dumbledore's interference at this point in the story and resents his neglect, he's not quite ready to accept him as a full-on adversary. Thick, perhaps, but he has no reason to believe Dumbledore is actively trying to kill him yet. Malfoy will have an important role in this story, as will Peittgrew. More on that later. Cheers.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 8 from BJH on March 29, 2009

Ah, it was the Patil twins who overheard. I liked the way you are portraying Parvatii, she remains bubbly but is not an airhead. Her Gryffindor courage still shines through. And now we are faced with a footrace. Will Harry escape Hogwarts first or will Dumbledore arrange his kidnapping before he can get free? And how will Harry break the bond on his magic that DD has woven? Very well done. BJH

Author reply
Thanks for the kind words. The footrace is indeed on next chapter. I'm planning to make Parvati as 3-dimensional as I can. Much like Susan Bones, she's more or less a blank slate in canon, so there's plenty of room to maneuver for fanfic authors. But she's still an immature 15-year-old who's in over her head, much like Harry, and will have a lot of growing up to do. Cheers.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 8 from Lord Ravenclaw on March 28, 2009

Enjoying your story so far, darklordmike. Some cliches, but as detached as I've been from HP fanfiction I can certainly overlook that and simply enjoy the story. Looking forward to the next installment.

Author reply
Thanks for the review, and I'll try to keep things interesting. I've tried to avoid most of the cliches of Indy Harry stories (super!goblins, time turner training, Potter Manor, incredible wealth, etc), but some of the conventions of manipulative Dumbledore stories are unavoidable . I'm trying to make subtle changes to the ones I do employ, so that I can eventually take them in a new direction. Hopefully this will be clearer as the story progresses. Next installment coming soon.