Reviews 1 - 9 of 9
Review for A Story of Hallows and Horcruxes Chapter 3 from lordamnesia on March 02, 2010
Good story so far, keep up the great work!
Author reply
Glad you liked it so far.
Review for A Story of Hallows and Horcruxes Chapter 3 from chrisguy9017 on February 28, 2010
Cool chapter. I liked the fight scene. The whole Fluer thing is cool too, I am curious to see how that concludes, if it ever does which would be cool too. This is H/Narcissa story and given the realistic-ish angle the story is aiming towards, I hope the way that forms is really cool and dosen't turn out crakd.
Author reply
Glad you liked the chapter. Hopefully, the Harry/Narcissa angle that I'm aiming for will come out okay and not feel as if I'm forcing it to be that way. Thanks for the review.
Review for A Story of Hallows and Horcruxes Chapter 2 from chrisguy9017 on November 28, 2009
Really cool chapter Harry isn't OP which is good. I honestly thought that the story was abandoned but I gues I was wrong :).
Author reply
Thanks for the review. I'm glad that you like it so far. Story is not abandoned but updates would be rather sporadic.
Review for A Story of Hallows and Horcruxes Chapter 1 from kukcpbögfitta on June 25, 2009
this was good
Author reply
Review for A Story of Hallows and Horcruxes Chapter 1 from Jamven on June 13, 2009
Interesting start... Looking forward to see where this is going
Author reply
Thanks for the review. Will try to update soon.
Review for A Story of Hallows and Horcruxes Chapter 1 from adrian10 on June 12, 2009
I love this story! I hope you decided on a pairing, thank god Ron, Hermione and Ginny are bashed. For the trio I am guessing Daphne and male Blaise, or Neville and Susan. I am not so sure! I hope Harry gets a harem! The story shows a lot of promise, I hope you can posted on the site , because this is a great story. UPDATE SOON!
Author reply
I am glad that you like the story. The pairing is Harry and Narcissa, as already written in the fic itself.
Review for A Story of Hallows and Horcruxes Chapter 1 from Voice of the Nephilim on June 10, 2009
I don't remember the DH interactions well, but I would think Phineas would make some sort of scathing comment, or look of displeasure before asking Harry what he wanted. Oddly, everything Ron said was correct, at the time. Harry really didn't know what he was doing, nothing had been achieved, and it wasn't apparent they were close to finding another Horcrux. Okay, so with three people talking, it was not easy to tell who was speaking. You need to break it up a little, clarify the conversations. How did Harry know he was being dosed with Amortenia? Rather large cliche, that I'm not fond of here. The scene didn't really need it. If there was a version of the stunner that was far more powerful, why use the standard "stupefy" at all earlier in canon? I don't buy it. A more powerful Light offensive spell, should have been common knowledge for Hogwarts students, as an offensive option in a fight. Harry can't even properly perform Occlumency end of sixth year, but he can memory charm and use Legilmency a few months later? I don't buy it. I do like your explanation of how the mental arts work. I like the warding details. There seems to be a fair amount of grammatical errors. The writing style isn't there yet, but you've got some good ideas, so you should be able to work out the kinks the more you write. No ideas on the trio, as we really haven't been given much information about any allies he might possess outside the mentor. Keep at it.
Author reply
Hmm, I will try to put something to show Phineas' displeasure. Yeah, what Ron said was kind of correct. The break up did not happen because Ron and Hermione betrayed Harry. It was more of a difference of opinion. If you follow the conversation its not that difficult to tell who were speaking. However, I shall try to make it a bit more clear. Love potion part is cliche, yes, but was necessary. It is going to be the only thing that will be cliche in this fic though. About how Harry came to know about it will be dealt later. The powerful stunner part will be edited to show just a normal stunner. I have changed canon in that regard. As already mentioned in the fic itself, Harry did learn some mind arts during the sixth year. Thanks, I did put in a fair amount of work over the runes. Thanks for the review.
Review for A Story of Hallows and Horcruxes Chapter 1 from Jeram on June 08, 2009
Want a review? Sure. First some correctiosn: But how could the sword destroy Horcrux? ->> But how could the sword destroy a Horcrux? Goblin made items emulate anything that strengthens them, as such the sword is imbibed with Basilisk venom, which can destroy Horcruxes." ->> First off - change to "Goblin-made" or "Gobinmade" (like manmade). Second, the sentence doesn't really sound like Hermione; it's very awkwardly phrased. Harry can you think of any time Professor Dumbledore may have hinted towards the swords location. ->> Harry can you think of any time Professor Dumbledore may have hinted towards the sword's location? Oh, finally remembered me, have you ->> Oh, finally remembered me, have you? I had only told her that some mild attractive potion would help her. ->> I had only told her that some mild attractiveness potion would help her. We will do it ourselves and we are gonna involve the order in this." ->> the Order in this Tell me Hermione did you even consider that there must have been some reason due to which Dumbledore had decided against informing the order ->> the order? Its effects last much longer too, the victim needs at least three enervate charm to wake up ->> the victim needs at least three enervate charms to wake up Grimorie ->> Grimoire Interesting, I suppose. A bit cliche-ridden in parts (Ron's sudden explosion, Amortentia). Sometimes Harry seemed ridiculously calm: "You knew she was doping with me Love Potions and you did nothing about it. Good God, Hermione with friends like you who needs enemies." I said. So... that's it? Not much of a reaction. Then suddenly Hermione begs for forgiveness, and she didn't really do anything that bad... But Harry is cold-hearted. And then Ron seems just completely useless. I dunno, really. You have some potential here, but it's a little bland for now - Harry has no real personality, he's just like an electronic audio speaker - reciting his lines with no emotion. And you drop Ron and Hermione going all nuts out of nowhere - without a bit of background, subtle hints, even logical dissembling, it's all way too fast and abrupt. Sure, I like the concept of Harry with other friends - but reading this, Harry just seems more like a dick than a righteous protector of his own values. Ron is such a caricature, it's actually kind of annoying at times. Hermione has some depth, I think, but Harry just stone cold slams her down. I prefer my characters (even the ones I know) to seem real, not flat. Give your characters REASONS for being assholes, let them drive the story. Don't sacrifice personality for plot - you do that, the reader won't really care about the characters. Good luck, -J
Author reply
Thanks for the grammatical checks. They are corrected. You are right about the love potion being cliche, but that is the only thing that is going to be cliche in this fic. As for Ron's explosiion that is Canon. I did not go into details about what Harry is feeling. Did not want to make the story too angsty. But I have edited it to show some more emotional response from him. Well, Hermione may not have done something that bad but she did advice Ginny to use Love potions. So, yes, Harry has all the right to be angry. She begs for forgiveness because Ginny used Amortenia, she may not have known about it. But it was her advice in the beginning. Ron and Hermione do not go nuts out of nowhere. Ron's argument is pretty much canon. And as far as Hemione is concerened, she wants to invove the Order in the Hunt. Something Harry is dead against. From her's point of view she is kind of correct, they really have not been able to achieve anything in the last few months and are nowhere close to a breakthrough. If you remember DH, then Ron mentions that Hermione was not happy with how Harry was leading. I have simply taken it from there. The backgroung is already given in DH. Harry does show emotion. I may not have draged the story by completely describing his emotional state. Too much angsty, I think. But he does become angry about Ron and Hermione's betryal and shows sadness when they leave him. Thanks for the review.
Review for A Story of Hallows and Horcruxes Chapter 1 from Stygius on June 08, 2009
moody is the only other mentor i could think off, who would know and not be against the idea of teaching harry some of the realities of life... as for the trio, no idea... hopefully not draco.... looking forward to how you build the interesting relationship between harry and naricassa....nice work... looking forward to the next update.
Author reply
No, its not Moody. No, Draco is not in the Trio, do not worry. Thanks, next update within a week or so.
Reviews 1 - 9 of 9