Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 1 from fooboo27 on May 21, 2009

"Harry made his way to the shower with a sense of determination, ready to start a new day in his summer of reading and strategizing." "At the top of the parchment he wrote “WHAT I NEED” and made a list: 1. a way to train using magic 2. advanced books on defense and charms 3. a way to eat well 4. a way to convince the ministry that V is back " These lines are instant turn-offs. This pretty much lays the groundwork for a shallow, generic super-Harry fic. If you could be more subtle and incorporate more character development, your fic could stand to gain a lot more core.

Author reply
Thanks for the review, fooboo. I actually agree with you about the weaknesses of the opening chapter, particularly that damn list. :) It seemed like a good idea at the time. Hindsight and all that. I'm heavily revising the first two chapters, as I don't think think they do justice to do the rest of the story. The revised versions should be ready sometime in the next couple of weeks. Thanks for reading.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 17 from silverlasso on May 20, 2009

OSHI- I'm interested to see if Harry pull put up a fight or if he'll be taken down immediately. I'm also eager to see some Harry-Snape interaction, mostly because I don't imagine Snape harboring any guilt because of his impending actions (unless Harry pulls the "Lily" card or something).

Author reply
Yup, I gave you another cliffhanger silverlasso, but I promise not to do it this week. :) The next chapter should be ready tomorrow or Sunday, and I can confirm that Harry will have quite a fight on his hands. Cheers.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 17 from Rain on May 19, 2009

Woot! I love it. Sorry it's been so long since I've reviewed, haven't been able to for a good while. Great work! :D Thank you.

Author reply
Thanks! No worries, Rain; glad you're still reading and enjoying it. More coming soon.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 17 from whatareyouevensaying on May 18, 2009

Brilliant, if extremely frustrating update. I like the continued slow progression between Harry and Parvati, but even a great chapter like this one pales in comparison to the anticipation for next week's installment. Hopefully Harry really has improved, or he'll fall to Moody and Snape's opening salvo. I'm almost equally excited to see Madam Bones' response to Susan being put under the Imperius curse. Looking forward to more.

Author reply
Thank you! Sorry about that cliffhanger, but I couldn't resist the temptation to end things there :) Your anticipation should be satisfied either tomorrow or Sunday, and there will indeed be a huge fight between Harry, Moody, and Snape. Madam Bones will be less than pleased with Dumbledore's use of Susan for his trap.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 17 from Voice of the Nephilim on May 18, 2009

A review from work, coutesy of an emailed text version of your story. Enjoy. I was very fond of the opening confrontation. It made sense logically, and it was nice that Parvati chose to let her suffer, and not let her make any conveinient excuses for her actions. That being said, I think Hermione's vow will end up being her downfall. I could see Dumbledore trying to extract the secret from her, killing her in the process. That could certainly cause some dramatic tension. I see you found a good Latin translation. I liked the setup for the Patils living at the Bones Manor. The scene at the Weasleys was very well done. mixing the grief of the family without making devils of all of them. Judging by Ron's reaction, he could be facing excommunication from the family, especially if Fred and George have anything to say about it. YOur depiction of Snape is where I thought bookx six was going, with a person with only loyalty to whichever situation suited him best, not a cause. Which makes more sense in light of his actions throughout the books, but I digress. Nice cliffhanger, one I didn't anticipate. I assume that Dumbledore deduced from his meeting with Croaker and Amelia that Harry was at the Bones manor. I can't really check it from work, but I'll know for sure when I get home. I look forward to Harry putting his new skills to work.

Author reply
Thanks for the review. You will indeed get to see Harry put his new skills to work next chapter. Glad you liked the Hermione/Parvati confrontation. There's more of that coming as Hermione desperately tries to get back in Harry's good graces. Actually I should have used one of your suggestions for the Latin translation of the disillusionment charm. I screwed up the second half of it and now I've got to go back and fix it. Oh well. Snape's motives were fun to think about, and I never really bought the 'I loved Lily' garbage from canon. It just didn't fit with the rest of his behavior or personality. More to come soon.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 17 from BJH on May 18, 2009

I wonder how both susan and Madam Bones will react to Ddumbledore's using a child to effect a kidnapping? Assuming both harry and DD survive this encounter it will be interesting to see how that plays out. I can't see Amelia just letting this one pass. I also can't see an impact on it if Voldemort survives the encounter. Snape is so looking forward to seeing Harry die that I am guessing he will actively participate in fighting against him. Will Moody interpret this as his backing the Death Eaters? I liked the various reactions of the Weasleys to Harry's letter. What will be the fall out to the family when the truth is known by all? I feel sorry for Ginny, seeing how she was used almost as cruelly by her mother as Harry was. I am fairly confident how the twins will react. Bill will be horrified by his mother's actions but he is now the head of the family so he can't just walk away from them. Ron is an arse. But how will Charlie react? Will he say family comes first, or will he reject his families actions entirely? And what about Shaklebolt? From what Snape felt, he is there to make sure Harry doesn't get away again, to force the final confrontation with Voldemort. And considering that you call this an epic story I don't think we are seeing the final confrontation with either of the Dark Lords. It will be interesting. BJH

Author reply
Thanks for the thorough review BJH. You always ask great questions, most of which I can't answer without spoiling things. I can confirm, though, that there's a massive fight coming between Harry, Snape, and Moody, and that Madam Bones will be less than pleased with Dumbledore's use of Susan. You're right about the 'final confrontation' too--there's plenty more action to come. I've revised my prediction of the total length to about 220k, which leaves another 100k words to go. Cheers.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 17 from Aaran St Vines on May 17, 2009

Terrific developments in this tale. Repent of your cliffie by delivering the next chappie soon! Great read!

Author reply
Sorry about that cliffie; I just couldn't resist. Next chapter is mostly done and should be ready tomorrow or Sunday. Thanks for the review!

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 16 from BJH on May 11, 2009

Hermione confronting Parvati, now that could be interesting. I wonder how well Hermione will pull off her usual self-righteous indignation? How can she pursuade Parvati, expecially considering the oaths she is still bound by, that means to be any help to Harry at all? BJH

Author reply
An excellent question, good sir, and one that will be addressed at the start of the next chapter. It should be ready on Sunday. Thanks for the review.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 16 from pontfirebird73 on May 11, 2009

good chapter keep the updates coming

Author reply
Thanks! Next chapter coming on Sunday.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 16 from whatareyouevensaying on May 11, 2009

Though she may be a bit of a bint, Hermione can sure as shit take Parvati in a fight. This update was superb, I really didn't want it to end. Croaker is developing nicely, and I actually enjoyed the scene from Snape's perspective, something I can't help but be surprised about. Looking forward to more.

Author reply
Yeah, you're right about the Hermione vs. Parvati fight...it wouldn't be much of a contest. Glad you liked the bit from Snape's perspective. It's easier to write his character when there's someone present who's willing to argue with him, especially when no one's pulling any punches. There will be more from bitch!Bellatrix in the near future. Next chapter coming on Sunday.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 16 from silverlasso on May 11, 2009

Oh my motherfucking cliffhanger. *grr* Great development in this chapter, especially with the H/Parvati interaction. I am honestly really looking forward to the next chapter...work fast! ;)

Author reply
Sir, yes, sir! :) Fast working has commenced, and the next chapter should be ready on Sunday. Glad you're enjoying the Harry/Parvati stuff; I'm trying hard to make it entertaining and plausible. And I make no promises that there won't be future cliffhangers :) Thanks again for the review.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 16 from Jeram on May 10, 2009

Some lines I liked a lot: "this situation is unique in the history of magic" "being Harry Potter isn’t exactly what I’d call living anyway" I also approved of the back and forth between Bellatrix and Snape - quite realistically mean. I'm enjoying your characterization above all - honestly you are better at that than everything else, but it's still averages out to be pretty decent. Enjoy this review! Nice little cliffhanger, too.

Author reply
Thanks for the review. My response to your previous review got cut off for some reason, but it's been corrected on the site now. Glad you liked the lines and the Snape/Bellatrix bickering. It's fun to write lines for bitch!Bellatrix, and there will be a lot more of her in the future. And I'm very happy to hear you're enjoying the characterization; that's probably what I concentrate most of my efforts on. If you see anything that strikes you as particularly weak, don't hesitate to tell me. Next chapter should be ready on Sunday. Cheers.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 16 from Aaran St Vines on May 10, 2009

Sometimes you have to spend a lot of time making everything just right before you go forward. This chapter did that and was interesting. Cheers!

Author reply
Thanks! That's exactly how I feel about it. There's plenty of action coming, but I don't want to lose sight of the characters. More coming soon.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 16 from Voice of the Nephilim on May 10, 2009

Ah, excellent, just in time to satiate my Potter Conspiracy Sunday night fix. Congratulations on crossing the 100k word mark. Oh, wow, surprising, I didn't think you had killed off Arthur. Nice blindside. Good to see Amelia made it through though. Wow, as if we didn't have enough reason to hate Malfoy. That made Neville's pummeling even more sweet. He really did a number on him, and it's not even close to what he deserves. Croaker has an interesting theory, and it would explain Harry's increased power. It's probably not the whole truth, but it seems to be closer than anyone's gotten so far. I'm surprised Harry was that brash with Croaker. Ha, I like this Bellatrix. Granted, I'd be happy with anyone scoring points of Snape. I was worried that this chapter would just end with Harry/Parvati interaction, which wouldn't be too exciting. Ha, not so much so. Nice stopping place, bringing Hermione back into the fold. Another well done chapter.Thanks for the shout-out as well!

Author reply
Thanks for the review. I admit that it felt good to cross that 100k mark; I'm honestly surprised that I got there so quickly. Arthur's death wasn't originally part of the plan. But I started thinking about Harry's feelings toward the Weasleys, and it opened up the opportunity for some drama. Poor guy never had a chance :) The situation with Malfoy and Neville will have further consequences, as will Harry's conversation with Croaker. Harry probably shouldn't have been so bold with him, but he's starting to lose his temper at the mere thought of Dumbledore these days. More Bellatrix fun is on the way. I always felt like she would have to have quite a pair to be the only female in the inner circle. Thanks again for the thorough review.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 15 from silverlasso on May 05, 2009

I don't know if you intended this or not, but the assassination scenes really reminded me of the Star Wars scenes where many of the important Jedi were slaughtered (except for Yoda!). Good work.

Author reply
Thanks! I can see in retrospect how the scenes resembled those from Star Wars, but I didn't consciously use them as a model. Actually I was imagining a Sopranos-style 'whackfest': a series of quick clips of people getting whacked in various ways, using wands instead of guns :)

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 15 from Jeram on May 04, 2009

Kaboom, indeed. I found "Belial" to be an interesting choice as a reference, considering the nature of the club. And aren't we ALL in the mood for Asian today? Not sure what you mean by "Unlike other departments, the DoM could be virtually locked down" - can it be locked down or not? "Virtually" seem to imply that it can almost, but not quite. You had some nice death action scenes here; think they went pretty well. I also recall the aegis shield from the Summer of Change story, and before that the AEGIS shield of myth and of battleship. CUE EVIL LAUGH - that part was a bit cheesy, I have to admit. Although: It is insanely difficult to pull off that one.

Author reply
"Belial" has been filed away since my D&D days; seemed appropriate for the nature of the club. I'll clarify what I meant about the DoM later. Basically I was just trying to say that it was possible to safeguard its most important artifacts and rooms, but not everything. Glad you liked the action scenes. They were fun to write, and hopefully they'll get better throughout the story. This was the first of many chapters with major fight scenes. Yeah, the evil laugh makes him look a little like Dr. Evil in retrospect :) I may go back and edit that later.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 15 from whatareyouevensaying on May 03, 2009

Brilliant work with this one, I couldn't help but notice that you didn't explicitly say that Madame Bones died... Looking forward to more.

Author reply
Thanks for the kind words. And you're right--I didn't explicitly say whether Amelia or Arthur died. You'll find out next chapter, which is about half-way written.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 15 from Aaran St Vines on May 03, 2009

Excellent spread of action across Wizarding Britain.

Author reply
Thanks! It was the first major action of the story, and it seems to have turned out alright. Plenty more action coming later.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 15 from Voice of the Nephilim on May 03, 2009

I liked the chaotic nature of the first scene, but felt that it wasn't exactly clear that the wetness Augusta felt upon her face was from arterial spray. Ha, Lucius' scene was very quality. Had a lot of depth to it, a glimpse into a part of the Wizarding World which usually doesn't receive much attention. Very high quality scene within the DMLE. For your first real fight with spells actually being exchanged, it worked out well. Do you have an explanation for the high potency of Harry's spells? I really like that the Dementors don't just flock to Voldemort's side. That's what almost always seems to happen. Well done on the chapter, and thanks for the plug.

Author reply
Thanks; I'll go back and take a look at the scene with Augusta. The brothel scene was fun to write; glad you liked it, considering it was you who suggested the location :) The action scenes were fun to write as well, although I found myself rewriting the Bones scene a dozen times. It's hard to convey how fast things are happening when you're writing it. Something I'll have to work on. Harry's over-powered spells will soon catch Croaker's attention, and an explanation will be forthcoming. I basically just wrote the dementors out of the story. I've never seen them used really well, and I didn't want to deal with them. They're so damned powerful, and apparently unkillable, that they would massacre half the population of Britain. Cheers.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 14 from The Duke on May 02, 2009

very cool story, im looking forward to the next chapter.

Author reply
Thanks, Duke. Glad you're enjoying it. Next chapter coming tomorrow.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 14 from Aaran St Vines on April 30, 2009

I felt like a great transition was coming - then your end note. Brilliant work!

Author reply
Thanks for all the reviews! I'm glad you're enjoying the story; I've put a lot of thought into keeping things interesting. I'll just reply to your final review so I don't spam your inbox with replies. I'm really happy with the way I conceived Dumbledore's motives--not quite so happy about the execution. Eventually I need to go back and revise the first two chapters. Too much information was revealed in too clumsy a fashion. Glad you're enjoying all the twists. The horcrux argument was particularly fun to write, and I never really liked the idea in canon. There are several other big ones coming soon. Next chapter will be ready Sunday. Thanks again for reading and reviewing so consistently :)

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 13 from Aaran St Vines on April 30, 2009

Finally some really good things happen to move Harry forward. Good stuff!

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 12 from Aaran St Vines on April 30, 2009

Getting more brilliant by the chapter. Rats! I'm going to run out of posted chapters soon.

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 11 from Aaran St Vines on April 30, 2009

Finally! Harry has viable allies. Fascinating tale. Well written!

Review for The Potter Conspiracy Chapter 10 from Aaran St Vines on April 30, 2009

Nice convolutions and complexities.